


The Sound of His Mind

by Vmwrites



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24652918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vmwrites/pseuds/Vmwrites
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak was an average young man going about his life on his own after finally leaving his mother and going off to college.His new life appeared to be normal, until one day he laid eyes on Richie Tozier and was suddenly able to hear every thought that ran through his head.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	1. Strange Magic

On a particularly dark Winter evening, trickled with traces of the January blues that made a 25-year-old man feel as if his body had gone limp and old, Eddie Kaspbrak found himself sitting on a library floor reading Madeline Miller’s,  _ The Song of Achilles. _

He found himself only reading to simply be doing something with his sad and tired self, but he soon became focused, and possibly even intrigued when his mind subconsciously pulled out an excerpt that struck him out of his typical depressive January state, yet nearly plummeted him back into it all at once.

His fingers traced gently over the page as he read,  _ “I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.” _

His brain was suddenly busy again as the words flooded his mind, creating images of the one Richie Tozier, the man who he knew blind.

Although he felt such a strong and compelling relation to this pull of words, Eddie knew Richie so well for a slightly different reason. While he was quite familiar with the sound of Richie’s footsteps or the sound of his breathing, he was most familiar, as if crafted by a fragment of his imagination, with the sound of Richie’s mind. 

From the moment he laid eyes on the lanky man, Eddie could hear every thought that ran through his head. The words came at rapid-fire, entering into his ears and being absorbed by his brain as if they were being whispered directly to him. 

None of the thoughts were complete, nor did they make sense, but Eddie was sure of who they belonged to, as Richie’s face was panicked and eager amongst the crowd and could perfectly match the nature thoughts. 

The sureness came to Eddie quite quickly, especially for someone who had never experienced such a thing, but he felt a plaguing urge to go about with it, avoiding any self-doubt or questioning and continuing on to listen to the man’s overwhelming thoughts. He wasn’t sure where this _ sureness  _ came from, but he felt a familiar lingering memory somewhere in his brain amongst the sound of the voice of a man he’s never met. 

The day it happened was a day 5 years prior to Eddie sat in the library with his January blues and a book that resurfaced the memory. He was 20 years old and was walking down the busy campus ground of his college, back-pack in hand as he crammed his new baseball jersey into it. 

It was a particularly busy day on the grounds outside of the school as it was a Friday, and students everywhere were scrambling to get as far away from their classes as possible. Eddie’s eyes were absent-mindedly wandering as he walked about to the dorm room he had on the first floor of the campus. He was lucky enough to have gotten a chance to live without a roommate and had a comfortable amount of alone time as he never really cared to meet new people while he was there. By this time of his second year, before he met Richie, he had only acquainted 2 people, one of them being his RA.

His eyes suddenly unintentionally met that of a tall boy walking down the opposite side and direction of the campus ground. His face appeared to be in a state of panic and his head was whipping furiously from side to side, causing his hair to flop against his head and his thick-rimmed glasses to smack down his nose. Immediately, the sounds started. 

Eddie could hear incoherent words and sentences racing at him all at once in such a way that he could hardly understand. He had flinched at the sound and put a hand to his chest, but by a means he could not understand or begin to fathom, he accepted it and let it happen.

_ “Is it this way? No, it’s that way. Why did you do this? Why are you here? You don’t know what you’re doing. Idiot. Stupid.”  _ Eddie cringed at the remarks he was able to make out in the jumbled mess of self cursings the boy was spitting at himself in his head. 

Eddie took it upon himself to speed up his steps and approach Richie. Once he reached him and numbed himself to the sound of his racing thoughts, he placed a hand gently on Richie’s arm, as not to frighten or surprise him. 

Still, Richie flinched at the feeling, but instantly relaxed as he looked down from his tall height at Eddie. 

_ “Who is this? Oh no, he’s beautiful. Idiot. Don’t be an idiot.” _ Eddie couldn’t help but smile.

“I’m Eddie, you seem lost.”

Richie stared down at him, still too shocked by the stranger’s presence to change his facial expressions, “I was, but I don’t think I am anymore..”

Eddie laughed and felt a strange sort of comfort in already knowing not to take the boy too seriously. His face was still flustered and he even appeared to be out of breath as he stood before Eddie, eyes widened behind his glasses. 

_ “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck” _

Eddie couldn’t cover a giggle once again, “Do you need help getting somewhere.”

Richie shook his head as if to regain his proper consciousness to be able to communicate with the boy who seemed to take such a power over him. He shakily pointed a small sheet of ripped paper out to him. Eddie took it between his fingers and opened it to reveal a room number. 235.

“Is this your dorm room?” Eddie asked, holding the paper up to him.

Richie only nodded, still dumbfounded, with a heart and mind racing, and Eddie being able to hear each one of those.  _ “Talk you idiot! Your face is completely heated up!” _

“Here, come with me,” Eddie started, grabbing hold of Richie’s arm gently and leading him in the opposite direction, “First off, you’re going the wrong way...are you new here?”

Richie cleared his throat, “U-uh, yeah, I had to transfer here. My family was living in New York but my dad moved us out here to Maine for work.”

“Are you in your first year?”

“No, second.”

Eddie smiled up at him, “Me too.”

Eddie led him up to his dorm room and they walked along in what Eddie thought to be a comfortable silence, but judging by Richie’s racing thoughts, he had some other idea.

_ “Say something you loser!” _

In looking at his face, Eddie could see that Richie was far too flustered to get a word out, so he decided to relieve some of his pressure and start a conversation for him.

“So, what are you studying?”

Richie’s head whipped into his direction, “Oh...I’m doing radio.”

Eddie smiled brightly with genuine interest, “That’s so cool! My program is not even half as interesting.”

“What is it?” Richie said through his winded breathing. 

“It’s an accounting and business analysis program.”

“I’d say that’s pretty cool, you’re gonna be rich.” Richie immediately closed his eyes and turned his head back to the front after his remark, and Eddie could hear,  _ “Why would you say such a thing?” _

Eddie frowned slightly. To him, this boy was far too hard on himself, and that meant a lot coming from Eddie, as he often treated himself badly with self-deprecating thoughts and unrealistic pressures. 

He quickly realized that he had a slight advantage now. He knew what this boy’s worries and troubles were as they seemed to fly directly into his brain and he decided that he would take this as a challenge. A challenge to make this boy feel the absolute best that he can.

So, Eddie laughed, “That’s funny, you’re definitely going to do good on the radio that's for sure.”

Richie finally let a smile take over his face, a small one, but nonetheless, a smile. “Oh, thank you, I sure hope so.”

“You’ll get nice and rich too.”

Eddie could see that Richie was slowly becoming more comfortable and less flustered by Eddie’s presence, “That would be the goal.”

Eddie led Richie into the elevator that would lead him up to his new room. “Do you know if you have a roommate?”

Richie pursed his lips and cocked them to the side, “I think so.”

“God that sucks,” Eddie breathed out.

Richie turned and looked down at him, “Why? You don’t have one?”

Eddie shook his head up at him with a smile, “Nope, never have. Hopefully never will.”

The elevator doors opened and Eddie stepped out with Richie trailing closely behind him. He continued to walk slightly ahead as to lead Richie in the right direction. Richie watched him from behind and suddenly felt his face flush again.  _ “He’s really cute and you don’t know what to do.” _

Eddie smiled from his spot in front of him and playfully spun around to face him, causing Richie’s face to flush an even brighter red as he walked backward before him. 

Eddie held eye contact with him as he walked, allowing his hands to trace the linings of the walls on his sides. Richie kept his wide eyes on his, nervous, but never wanting to break the strange and random contact that was made. 

Eddie stopped abruptly and his hand that was once trailing along the walls had stopped on a door to his right and Richie’s left.

“Here you are,” Eddie said with a smile before backing up to allow Richie to see himself in. 

Richie unlocked the door with shaky hands and walked in before turning back to face Eddie.  _ “Be smooth you fucker. I know you can, SO DO IT.” _

He leaned himself against the door frame and looked down at Eddie who was doing everything in his power to keep from laughing aloud. He let his lips curl up into a smile, one that Richie quickly returned, but he did not once allow himself to even giggle. 

“So uh..you wanna come in.”

At this, Eddie had to giggle, but he forced himself to have it come out playfully, “No.”

Richie returned the slight laughter. “Right, I figured.”

“But,” Eddie said leaning himself against the door frame’s other side, “You can take my number. You know, in case you ever get lost again.”

Richie blushed again, hard, was barely able to stop himself from stuttering, “Yeah, please.” 

_ “Why would you say please you creep!” _

Eddie smiled up at him, grabbing a pen out of his bag and writing on the small sheet of paper that held Richie’s dorm room number. He wrote his number neatly and handed it back to Richie. 

“I have to get going, but please do not hesitate to message me. I’d hate to see you lost and wondering on campus again.”

Richie nodded with a blush and watched as Eddie walked away back down the hall and to the elevator. Eddie couldn’t cover up the smirk that crept upon his face, but Richie could no longer see him. 

Eddie’s phone had received a message the moment he entered his own dorm room and of course, it was from a number not yet saved, that number being Richie’s.

**I’m sorry I’m so awkward. I didn’t even give you my name. Anyways, this is Richie. You can save my number like that.**

He smiled down at the message as he read it.  _ Richie. _ That name would be on Eddie’s tongue and dancing through his mind from that day forward and there is nothing that he could do about it. He replied back quickly, as not to leave the nervous boy waiting.

**Will do. If you need some help around, maybe I can take you on a campus tour tomorrow.**

Richie read the message and planted his face deep into the pillow he had thrown onto his bed. He was so angry with himself for allowing someone to take such a toll on him. He had never experienced such a thing before and he had no idea what to do with himself. For such a simple answer that he ended up responding with, he had pondered on it for minutes that had felt like hours.

**I would really like that.**

A simple campus tour had turned into a nearly daily walk around the campus. Viewing the same sites, but having very different conversations. 

The “click” that appeared to have happened between the two was one that each of the boys would go on to explain differently. Eddie found that the “click” came from the fact that Richie’s thoughts were always so similar to his own when they weren’t about fawning over him. He felt that being able to see into Richie’s mind allowed him to get to see just how alike they were, and just how many interesting things Richie had to say that he always loved to hear. Richie, on the other hand, would say that the “click” came from the way he had to piece Eddie together like a quizzical puzzle. The way he had to solve all of Eddie’s mysteries. He loved how quick-witted Eddie was and the way he always seemed to know what to say when Richie simply couldn’t think of anything. He felt that Eddie knew him better than he knew himself and he found great appreciation in it that he could not begin to explain. 

Campus walks turned into outside of campus walks, which resulted in restaurants and bars and fairs when they were in town. Richie, who never openly said it out loud but Eddie knew well enough, considered these outings to be close to those of  _ dates. _ And while they were similar, Eddie would not dare to consider them to be until Richie asked him on one directly. 

Although Eddie knew deep down, as he could hear the cries of Richie’s mind telling him to mention even the smallest implication of what their outings were, that they were indeed  _ dates _ , he still felt a melancholic tinge to the fact that Richie never directly said the word himself. 

One day, approximately three weeks after their first meeting, Eddie decided to swallow his pride. 

It was a Friday night and their school was hosting a fundraising fair to help rack up sums for their horribly expensive essential resources that the student’s tuitions simply didn’t cover. They had walked about all night, talking, playing games, and Richie had even won a stuffed panda bear that he immediately gave to Eddie. 

From the moment they had first stepped up to the game, Eddie could hear Richie’s mind formulating a pointed and concentrated thought.  _ “Win it and give it to him Richie. Don’t fuck up.” _

Eddie had smiled and watched as Richie played the game with precision. All it required was hurdling darts at balloons, but Richie was going as full out as he possibly could bring himself to go to ensure that Eddie got whatever prize he was able to score. 

Once he popped a certain number of balloons, he was handed the bear by the irritated game host.  _ “Now… give it to him.” _

Eddie knew it was coming but was overjoyed nonetheless. A simple act of affection that verified even further what Eddie already so clearly knew. 

Now, they stood in line for the carnival ferris wheel amongst their peers. Eddie clutched the bear to his chest and looked up at the wheel. 

_ “Fuck that’s high up. Whatever. Who cares. Don’t make yourself look like a bitch.” _

Eddie could tell by this thought alone that Richie did not want to go on the ride and Eddie was quick to revert them away, “Hey, I actually don’t think I like this one. Let’s just go get popcorn instead.”

Richie looked down at him and cocked his head, “Are you sure? We’ve already been in line for 10 minutes.”

Eddie took his arm and continued to gear Richie out of the lineup, “I’m sure, come on.”

He walked him over to the popcorn stand and as he did he once again heard Richie’s voice ring into his mind,  _ “Thank God.” _

“Go sit,” Eddie said motioning his head over to one of the nearby benches, “I got it.”

“Are you sure, Eds?”

Eddie smiled, “Yeah I’m sure,” and watched as Richie walked over to the bench to secure them a seat.  _ Eds _ . The nickname had come about rather quickly and ever so randomly. After about a week of spending time with one another, Richie just decided that Eddie was too long of a name. They had been sitting in a private room in their school’s library and Richie was assisting Eddie in a math problem that he just couldn’t figure out. 

“It’s cause you’re not reading the question close enough, Eds.” Richie had immediately blushed after saying it, and he cursed himself in his mind, _ “Why would you call him that.” _

Eddie smiled at him solemnly, ensuring not to question the use of the name, as well as not wanting to, he actually kind of liked it. “You’re right. You should have done something with math, Rich.”

Richie had smiled brightly at the new name now given back to him. What was once a flustering mutter of words became a regular endurance, and  _ Eds _ and  _ Rich _ were almost every other word heard between the two. 

Eddie brought one large popcorn over to the bench for him and Richie to share. He sat on his side directly next to him and placed the bag atop the table before them.

Their eyes met and they held that same natural eye contact that they shared from the very first day they met. Eddie smiled. Richie smiled. Their hands instinctively went to the bag as their eyes stayed burning into those of the others and their hands brushed against each other as they fumbled for popcorn, sending both of them into a fit of childish laughter.

Richie continued to laugh as he stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth and Eddie decided it was time to ‘pop the question.’

Through a smile and still in a giggly haze, Eddie blurted out, “Is this a date?”

The question caused Richie to nearly choke on his popcorn and cough in a surprised manner. “Uh…I… yeah. Yeah, I guess it is huh?”

Eddie smiled and leaned in closer to him, “Yeah it is.”

_ “Fuck yes.” _

About a month and a half had passed before it was Richie’s turn to ask a bold question. A question that of course, Eddie saw coming, but made him happier and more relieved than he had ever felt. 

Eddie had just finished a baseball practice and was still in his roughed up dirty uniform and cap. The pair had moved toward the fence to the side of the field once everyone had cleared out and spent some time talking and flirting playfully. He held his baseball against the floor and shifted his weight from each foot, using the bat as a resting post. Richie stayed leaning against the chain-linked fence, smoking and chatting away casually. He may have appeared casual on the outside, but his interior was raging with thoughts that made Eddie have to conceal any ounce of excitement or anticipation. 

_ “Just do it. Just do it. He’s clearly into you and you’re sure as hell into him. Just make it a thing. Give it a name.” _

Richie took a puff from his cigarette in an attempt to silence his racing brain, “And yeah, that’s how my prof pissed me off today.”

Eddie took Richie’s free hand in his and swung it gently from side to side, “Stop letting people get you so worked up.”

Richie sighed, “Yeah, you’re right.” He ashed out his cigarette and smiled down at Eddie. “ _ Now Richie, do it now.” _ And part of Eddie wished that Richie could hear his thoughts, and hear him calling to him,  _ Yes, please, do it now. _

“Eddie…” he started. Eddie watched silently and allowed him to continue on. “I’ve really enjoyed all this time that I’ve spent with you. It kind of bothers me that...there isn’t really a label on it. I feel like there should be. I know no one’s a fan of the word ‘labels’, and believe me those things have tormented me my whole life, but I feel like this one could be a good one.”

Eddie understood and Richie could feel in his heart that he understood when all he muttered out was a simple, “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Whatever it is you are asking me, the answer is yes.”

Richie took that as a cue and swept him close into his arms and planted a firm kiss onto Eddie’s lips. Immediately melting into the touch and allowing his eyes to flutter shut, Eddie happily returned the favor. 

As time went on, Eddie got to see a new side of Richie as the nervousness he once possessed started to wear into a new sense of comfort. Eddie was a safe space for him, a home even, he didn’t have to hide who he was, he could be himself. 

Eddie appreciated the comfort and sureness he knew Richie now felt in him and was especially intrigued by all the new thoughts surfacing Richie’s head. 

These thoughts were very clearly much happier, but also a bit more strange. They would be laying cuddled up in Eddie’s bed, resting and close to sleep, and suddenly Eddie would hear a random thought occur to Richie,  _ “Do cows pee like dogs? Do they lift one leg up? Do they squat? I’m gonna have to google that later.” _ Eddie had furrowed his eyebrows at that thought, wondering what the fuck is going in this man’s head. Nonetheless, he loved him for it. 

There were other times when Eddie would be sat on Richie’s desk chair as Richie sat on his bed and tied his shoelaces together for no reason other then the conscious in his mind saying,  _ “Hey Richie, wouldn’t this be fun!” _

There was also the time that Eddie had been particularly winded after a tough track meet and then had to walk up to Richie’s room because of a stalled elevator. Once he reached the door he had been shaking the inhaler he always kept in his right pocket and shooting it into his mouth. When Richie opened the door, he watched in amusement and his head seemed to go,  _ “Ha ha, cute. Touch it.” _

Once Eddie took the inhaler from his mouth, Richie put his finger on the trigger and said, “Beep beep,” before shooting air out of its mouth twice.

Eddie tilted his head at him, “Why did you do that, that’s gonna waste its fluid.” Richie had only laughed and shrugged and urged him inside. 

Eddie could also not forget all the times Richie’s thoughts made him blush even if they were formulated so ludicrously they were laughable. 

When Eddie would change out of his baseball uniform in front of him, Eddie could hear,  _ “Am I going to fuck this man tonight? Yeah probably.” _

When Eddie would come out of Richie’s bathroom after using his shower in nothing but a towel, his brain would immediately spring out,  _ “God damn I’m really getting at that.” _

No matter what the thought was, it sent butterflies flying through Eddie’s stomach and sometimes, even question marks, if that were a coherent feeling. Eddie felt that through hearing Richie’s thoughts, he should be able to understand him better than anything, reaching a sort of enlightenment with him if you will, but some of Richie’s thoughts just left him confused and even concerned for his safety. What if Richie was out on his own when his mind erupted in a,  _ “Let’s call someone a fuckhead for no reason” _ thought that had actually occurred to him on multiple occasions? 

Despite his concerns, Eddie was able to find content in the still frantic, but much less anxiety-induced or self-deprecating thoughts that had once occupied Richie’s mind. 

But now, as they sat in an expensive restaurant that served them a fancy large bottle of wine with no questions of age asked, Eddie was slightly tipsy and quite annoyed with the sounds his ears were ringing with as a gift straight from Richie’s head. 

They had been sitting in what Eddie found to a comfortable almost mature silence as they sipped their wine and waited for their food, but the wine had clearly gotten to each of them differently. While Eddie felt tranquil and relaxed, as if the wine worked on him as a downer, Richie felt the opposite. He was bopping his head and drumming on the table with his fork and knife as he sang to himself in his head.  _ “Straaange magic, oh it’s a straaange magic.” _

It was fine the first few times the song seemed to appear in his head, but after about 30 times, Eddie had heard enough and suddenly snapped forward in his seat.

“That song isn’t even that good you know?”

Richie was taken aback and placed his fork and knife back down on the table, “Huh?”

“Strange magic. It isn’t that good. Can you think of a better song to be stuck in your head?”

Richie sat back in his seat, “How did you know that, Eddie?”

Eddie put his wine glass to his lips and took a hardy sip, “Because I can hear every last thought that goes through your head.”

At this point, he could clearly hear,  _ “What the fuck is he saying?” _

He repeated it back to him and Richie was even more taken aback.

“Eds, what the fuck babe, how are you doing that?”

Eddie took another shot of his wine and shrugged his shoulders at him. He wasn’t sure and also wasn’t sure how to explain the grievance of a memory lingering but not quite clear enough to explain that could possibly answer that question. 

Richie found it to be unbelievable, but before he could process any more doubt, Eddie responded to his thought in saying, “Believe it.”

Richie was stunned, but strangely convinced, “Jesus Eds, since when?”

“This entire time.”

Richie froze and blushed, “The entire… time?”

“Mhm,” Eddie started, treating himself to another sip, “From that first day I saw you wandering around on campus.”

“Can you… do this with everyone?”

Eddie shook his head, “Nope, looks like it’s only you.”

“Jesus,” Richie breathed as he pulled off a few buttons of his white button-up that Eddie had bought for him. 

“Would you like to leave me now?” Eddie asked him.

“God no,” Richie said leaning over the table and grabbing hold of his free hand gently. His eyes were filled with sincerity, but his face quickly changed to that of the true joking man he really was, “As a matter of fact, I find it quite hot.”

Eddie made a _ pft _ sound and brushed his hand away playfully, leaning back into his chair while a slight smile creeping onto his face. He already knew that. Leave it to Richie to never ask any questions. 


	2. Coming Home

As soon as the clock struck midnight on Eddie’s 21st birthday, Richie was knocking on his dorm room door, cupcake topped with a lit candle in hand. From that moment on, Eddie had fallen even more head over heels with the strange boy and his strange magic than he could’ve ever believed to even be possible. 

That whole first year of their relationship defeated the idea of a “honeymoon phase”. Some may say that after a few months, all the butterflies and excitement seem to die down as you adapt to the person you are with and reach a certain level of comfort with them. This, in both Eddie and Richie’s circumstances, was not the case.

Eddie knew well just how flustered and struck Richie tended to get by him in the ways his mind pieces together thoughts like,  _ “Is he even allowed to look this beautiful right now?” _ , or,  _ “How did I get so lucky?” _ Every little thing Eddie did sent Richie into a gross lovey-dovey frenzy of thoughts that always resulted in him blushing as he gets reminded of the fact that Eddie knew all that he was thinking. 

Eddie, on the other hand, was exponentially glad Richie had no sight into his mind, as he was far too proud of this affectionate thoughts, and would much rather keep a tough front up for him. This ‘tough front’ that he tried to withhold would only make Richie go even more above and beyond than he already was. If Eddie appeared as if he was a tough nut to crack, hard to make melt, indifferent to the small romantic acts, Richie would just do them more, and God did Eddie ever love when he would do them more. 

Eddie had once walked into his room after a horribly long track meet and found a giant arrangement of flowers in the middle of his room. Tucked into the middle of the arrangement, lay a small note, to which Eddie picked up and read:

**It would take thousands of these to amount to even one of you, but I thought you would like them.**

**For Eddie my love, From Richie**

After their finals week, Richie decided to ‘reward’ Eddie by driving him out to a beach where they walked along the shore hand-in-hand until the moon shone brightly above their heads. Eddie will never forget the way Richie had stopped him, in the perfect lense of the light, feet in the water, and kissed him in a way that he had never kissed him before. The kiss held love, yearning, and although it was far from gentle it was comforting and felt like a kiss of coming home. Eddie continued to feel that kiss every single day. 

That same night when Richie brought him back to his dorm, he had propped an arm up against the frame and let Eddie stand with his arms around his waist. 

“You can come in, you know,” he said looking up at him.

“Uh uh, Eds. You have a game in the morning, I don’t want to distract you.”

Eddie pouted in response and got a quick peck on the mouth from Richie in apology.

“I’m gonna go and leave you to it. You’ll see me right there tomorrow morning cheering you on.”

“Fineee...,” he had trailed off, still pouting up at the taller man before him. 

Richie pressed a kiss down onto his lips that filled Eddie with that same tender comforting feeling and gave him a gentle stroke of the hair, “I’ll see you tomorrow… I love you.” With that, he had turned and walked away and as he went, Eddie could hear,  _ “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you just did that you just dropped the L bomb whatifhegetsfreakedout. Wait- don’t be stupid Richie, that’s your baby.’ _

When Eddie had closed the door he had sunk the floor with his back pressed against it as he swooned over the first real  _ I love you _ and the thoughts of the night's occurrences. He had sighed like a little girl who’s crush made accidental brief eye contact with her and spent the rest of the night blasting over the top cheesy love pop music. 

Richie had shown up for that game the next morning, and he continued to show up for every game after that.

Now, with the little birthday cupcake in hand, Eddie could not be happier as he closed his eyes and wished his big number 21 wish, ‘I wish to have him with me forever. Please never take him away from me. Let me always hear what he thinks. Let him always make me happy.’ And with that thought, he blew out his candle.

Richie watched with pleasure and Eddie could hear,  _ “He looks so perfect in that candlelight,” _ over the sound of his breath blowing out the flame. 

“Thank you,” Eddie said aloud.

Richie was surprised at first, as he always got when Eddie replied to a thought that popped out of his head, but soon recognized the notion and smiled, “You’re welcome, angel.”

If there is anything that changed between the two on a daily basis, it was the use of pet names. Eddie was more on the casual side with the pet names, with the occasional _ love _ , or  _ babe _ . Sometimes he would even use nicknames as terms of affection such as a simple  _ Rich _ , or when he was in a silly mood and wanted to see Richie get all embarrassed and annoyed,  _ Chee _ .

Richie was the opposite. Every day, even multiple times during a single day, Eddie somehow had a new name. Like Eddie did in terms of nicknames, Richie stuck with the simplicity of names like  _ Eds _ , but oh when given the chance (and he always got the chance), Eddie was now  _ Eddie Spaghetti, my angel, my heart, love of my life, sweetie, honey, myfiremyonedesire _ , and pretty much everything under the sun.

Eddie always scoffed at the use of a new nickname, but in his head, he was always screaming a screech of pure hopeless romantic agony. 

Richie had now taken his own cupcake out of a little box that he had been holding in his hands and tapped it against Eddie’s as they sat on his bed, “To many more birthdays together.”

Eddie smiled and looked down at his cupcake, “To many more.”

As he was about to put the cupcake to his lips, Richie knocked it’s bottom up with the back of his hand and sent the icing cramming into Eddie’s nose.

“RICHIE!” He yelled, nose covered in a sweet pink frost.

Richie giggled before swiping the icing off with his finger and sucking his finger into his mouth.

“God, I hate you.”

He kissed him on the nose, picking up any excess icing that was left with his lips, “I love you too.”

_ “Tastes almost as sweet as him.” _

Eddie couldn’t fight back a smile. 

Many days had been spent with Richie sitting in Eddie’s room and twiddling his thumbs. The pair almost never spent their time in Richie’s room. With Richie’s own disaster, plus his room mate with constant lovers being snuck in, they both decided that staying in Eddie’s room at all times was the best option. Even in the times when all Eddie wished to do was sit and read in silence. Richie was always quite bored in those moments in his honesty, and although Eddie always tried to block it out he would hear unignorable sounds of sighs ringing through Richie’s mind. He couldn’t help the exasperated pleading sighs, but he would never dare to tell Eddie to stop. This was his busy boy, and if he needed a little bit of downtime in reading, Richie had no intention of stopping him. 

In an act of annoyance, as well as simply feeling bad for leaving his love sat bored on his dorm room floor, Eddie had taken out an extra book out of the library to give to Richie. 

He had grabbed one that he loved when he first read it. It was  _ The Sun Also Rises _ by Ernest Hemingway. He took it over to his dorm and set it on his bed as he waited for Richie to show up at his usual daily time. 

When Eddie heard the knock at his door, he went and retrieved it and there stood the tall and messy beautiful boy who he loved. 

“Sorry. I ran here. I was gonna be like a minute late and I didn’t want to break routine.”

Eddie laughed and pulled him in by his shirt. He was clearly running. His black matted hair was somehow even more matted and his glasses had nearly been knocked off of his face. 

Richie walked over to his bed and noticed two books now sitting upon it. One, he had observed that Eddie had been going at for the last few days, that being Dostoyevsky’s  _ The Idiot _ , and he picked up the other into his hands and examined it.

“Two at once? Damn, Eds. You’re an animal.”

Eddie shook his head and put a hand on Richie’s arm gently, “This one,” he started running his hand on him soothingly, “Is for you.”

“For me? Why?”

“So that you don’t have to sit here all bored while I read myself.”

Richie put the book close to his chest, and while his mouth remained silent, his brain certainly did not, “ _ This is the cutest shit in the world.” _

Eddie smiled and got back onto his bed to continue his reading and Richie followed suit by getting into his usual position during Eddie’s self-proclaimed ‘reading time.’ That was on the floor back up against the bed’s side, so that Eddie could occasionally let his hand fall down and run his fingers through his ratty hair. 

They read in silence for a while, until Eddie was struck by something he had just read and felt the need to suddenly put the book down. 

**“ ‘I guessed that this was your house when I was still a hundred yards away’, said the prince.” “As soon as I caught sight of it I at once thought: ‘Why, but that’s exactly the sort of house he’d be bound to have.”**

Rather simple words to be read really, but they struck Eddie nonetheless. This made Eddie crawl down onto the floor next to Richie and pull him down into his arms, cradling his head. He knew that if he had ever spotted Richie’s house, he too would know, and to him that was pure love. 

“Ah, what are you doing?” Richie giggled as he was suffocated in Eddie’s arms.

“I love you,” Eddie said kissing him on the back of the head as he held him down.

“Let me out! I was getting really into that!”

Eddie allowed him to struggle for a few more moments before finally letting go and allowing him to spring up for air. 

He shook his hair and fixed his glasses up his nose, “You’re a freak.”

“I know,” Eddie said smiling as he viewed the mess of the boy he had created. 

Richie had simply stared at him for a while and Eddie let him. Neither of them said a word. Through the verbal silence, Eddie could hear,  _ “I will literally die for him.” _

Eddie took his face into his hands and kissed him with all his power as a track star and baseball player.

Richie melted and knew he was doomed because he would melt every single time. 

“Come on Eds, we gotta go baby!” Richie called from Eddie’s bed as waited for him.

“Just give me 5 more minutes! I want to make a good impression, I have to look my best.”

Richie sighed and took out his phone to send his mother a quick text message telling her they might be later than expected.

Eddie quickly emerged from the bathroom, smoothing down his white polo with shaking hands, “So, how do I look.”

Richie smiled and Eddie was almost sent to a place of ease at the sound of Richie thinking to himself,  _ “So amazing.” _

“You look perfect, babe. They’re gonna love you.”

Eddie chewed the skin from his bottom lip, “But what if they don’t.”

“Clearly you don’t know enough about my parents yet. They’re some of the most chilled out people anyone can ever meet. I mean, look at how I turned out!”

Eddie stared at him coldly, “Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?”

“Hey!” Richie cried at the insult. 

Eddie scrambled to grab his jacket and shove on his shoes and Richie watched in fascination. 

In Eddie’s panic, all he felt he needed right now was some sort of mindful message to be transmitted from Richie’s brain to his, but Richie didn’t seem to be thinking about anything at all at the moment. 

Out of nerves and frustration, Eddie turned to him and spat out, “Head? Empty. Your brain? Gone. It’s gone!”

He shoved passed Richie and made his way out of his dorm room, with Richie’s eyes wandering along his back. A smile crept on to his face,  _ “He’s cute when he gets mad at me.” _

Once they arrived at Richie’s G-wagon, he opened the passenger side door for him to climb in. Eddie sat down and buckled his seat belt with a sigh, watching as Richie walked around the front of the truck to the driver’s seat door. 

As he drove, he held Eddie’s hand in his, and he couldn’t help but have questions wander through his mind.  _ “Why hasn’t he offered to bring me to meet his mom? Is he embarrassed of me?” _

Eddie heard these questionings loud and clear, but put his head down and waited for Richie to say something out loud himself. Part of him hoped that he wouldn’t and that they could save this conversation for some other night. 

Unfortunately for Eddie, he had hoped in vain and the question left Richie’s mind by flying out of his lips, “Eddie?”

He squeezed his hand, “Yes, Rich?”

“When are you gonna take me to meet your mom?”

Eddie sighed, “Richie… it’s a little bit complicated. It isn’t you, god, believe me, it isn’t you, I love you more than anything and am so desperately proud to call you mine, but my mom isn’t exactly so great.”

“Oh, I’m sure I could get her to lighten up-,” Richie was cut off before he could continue on.

“No, you don’t understand. After my dad died, she completely lost her shit. She was so terrified that I was gonna be next, that she convinced the both of us that I was constantly sick. She told me every last thing had cancer in it. She wouldn’t let me play any sort of sports, she,” Eddie reached into his pocket and took out his inhaler, “She convinced me that I had asthma, Richie. I don’t even really need this piece of shit! The second I got out here I turned it all around and started doing things I always wish I could have… but I still can’t let go of this stupid thing.”

Richie frowned, “Oh, Eddie...,” he reached over and rubbed his shoulder soothingly, then dumbly blurted out, “So your mom Gypsy Rose’d you?”

Eddie sighed rubbing his forehead, “Yes, Richie. She Gypsy Rose’d me.”

Richie pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned on his hazards. He unbuckled his seat belt and took Eddie into his arms. Eddie placed his arms around his waist with another sigh and allowed him to hold him in silence for a few minutes.

“She doesn’t even know I’m gay.”

Richie backed up from the hold, still keeping his hands rested on Eddie’s arms, “She doesn’t?”

“No. We never talked about anything other than how sick I was.”

Richie kissed him on his forehead gently, “I understand now. I’m sorry I asked, especially right now.”

“No, Rich, it’s okay. How could you have known?”

Richie shook his head, “I’m an idiot. You can take me around whenever you feel is right. I won’t bother you about it, okay?”

Eddie smiled softly, Richie was slightly over-reacting, but his concern made Eddie content with the euphoric feeling of knowing that he really did care for him. 

“I love you.”

Richie returned his gentle smile, “I love you.”

With that, Richie removed his foot from the gas pedal and continued to drive them all the way to his childhood home. 

Eddie watched in confusion as Richie sailed down isolated tree-filled roads, with the only houses in sight being that of humongous size and impossibly far apart from one another. 

Eddie was in awe every time they passed another one, and couldn't help but let out audible sighs of admiration.

_ “Oh, just wait.” _ Eddie ignored this in his state of infatuation.

Suddenly, Richie turned his car into a small entryway blocked off by a gate. Eddie watched as he rolled his window down and punched a code into a padlock posted to the gate’s right. Eddie watched in surprise but stayed quiet and allowed for him to drive them down the never-ending driveway once the gate opened. 

“Where are we going, Rich?”

“Almost there, baby.”

Eddie’s eyes watched the trees as the car rolled through and the next thing he knew, a house grander than any of those he saw before it stood before his eyes.

It was modern, unlike anything Eddie would have ever expected to find in Maine. It was nearly all windows, the house’s glamorous interior on full display, and Eddie believed that he had never seen houses of this abstract squared-off shape.

“Richie… is this…?”

“Yes,” he responded, putting the car into park and removing his seatbelt, “C’mon babe.”

“Hey, hey, not so fast-”

Richie cut him off, “We’ll talk about it later, come on love, we’ve kept them waiting long enough.”

Entering into the Tozier household filled Eddie with a desire he never knew he had. It was warm, welcoming, and in a strange way, had the smell of home. Not just a house, but a home. Where love and family lay. Which he wouldn’t have thought possible for a house of its kind. 

A woman who looked a startling amount like Richie made her way to the front door where they stood. 

She took Richie’s face into her hands and kissed him twice on each cheek, “Oh, Richie, you’re here.” She quickly turned her face to look at Eddie and gasped, “Oh my God, you must be Eddie. You are better looking than I ever could have imagined.”

“Mom,” Richie grumbled, and Eddie giggled as he heard his mind take the same tone,  _ “She is so embarrassing.” _

“Thank you, Mrs. Tozier, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Please, call me Maggie.”

Her eyes seemed to brightly study Eddie and a look of happiness was flushed throughout her face. She had never expected her, well, to put it simply,  _ disaster _ of a boy to meet someone so well put together. She could never deny that her son was a good-looking kid, but he could be clumsy and rather obnoxious at times and he could not dress himself to save his life. Even after all of the money she and her husband poured out into his wardrobe, he still insisted on wearing tacky old-man shirts and worn-out jeans. Yet, he managed to land a beautiful well-dressed normal-seeming boy. 

“Richie!” A loud deep voice boomed from the room over.

Richie smiled and yelled back, forcing his voice down a whole octave, “Father!”

A tall man walked into the entrance with his arms opened up to Richie. Eddie observed that while Richie may have gotten most of his looks from his mother, he definitely got his height from his dad.

He embraced him firmly and then snapped his attention onto Eddie, “You must be Eddie! We have not heard the end of you, come here!” He proceeded to pull Eddie into a similar firm hug and Eddie laughed in a nervous surprise.

“Went, you’re going to crush the boy, let him go,” Maggie proclaimed, pulling her husband back.

Went laughed and urged them to remove their jackets, “Come in guys, come in!”

He and Maggie led the couple down the hall and Eddie looked around in the same awe he held for the houses he saw on the drive there, “Your house is beautiful, I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Went continued to walk ahead, “You like it? We got it designed specially. Hanscom and Associates, really one of a kind out here that guy.”

_ “God he is such a showoff.” _ Eddie giggled and let Richie’s father lead the way for the rest of the night.

After an amazing dinner filled with laughter and a sense of family that Eddie never got to know, Richie drove them back to their campus, one hand on the steering wheel, the other squeezing Eddie’s.

“Were you ever going to share this part of your life with me?” Eddie asked, raising his hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to it.

Richie sighed, “I just never thought it was that important, and I don’t like it when people only talk to me because my family has money.”

Eddie felt a sudden sadness for Richie at that moment. He envisioned a little baby Richie trying to make a bunch of friends and succeeding, only to find out they only liked him because he paid for their candies or movie outings and he had a nice house for them all to hang out at.

He pressed another gentle kiss to Richie’s hand and Richie softened.

“Well, that explains the G-Wagon amongst the other broke college kid cars.”

Richie chucked, sending a squeeze Eddie’s hand’s way, “Fuck you.”

“Oh, I will.”

Richie laughed and Eddie randomly remembered the day he erupted himself onto Richie after reading that one expert from  _ The Idiot _ and chuckled to himself quietly as he thought, " _ Well, I guess I wouldn't know which house was his after all.”  _


	3. Richie's Head

Another year seemed to race by Eddie like it was nothing, and he yearned for the days, hours, and minutes to feel longer if it meant more time with Richie. 

He had made quite a large deal out of their second year anniversary and was insistent on surprising Richie with all of his favorite things.

Richie had been extra whiny that day. He was usually the date planner, and he always made it a point to ‘wow’ Eddie any chance got, and not having that power in his hands made him particularly pouty. 

Eddie had stood in front of him, hands exploring over his midriff and pressing kisses to his clothed chest, “I promise, I got it all covered and planned out, I just need to drive your car.”

“I’ve never even seen you drive before, baby.”

“I can! I swear! And I’m pretty damn good at it too.”

Richie sighed, rubbing his hands down Eddie’s arms, “How do I know you aren’t gonna crash my car?”

“I promise, Rich, I won’t.”

‘Fine,” he said, pulling the keys from his pocket and handing them to Eddie.

Eddie had squealed and kissed him on the cheek, “Let’s go!”

_ “God help us, he’s gonna kill us both.” _

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that!” Eddie called as he walked ahead to the building’s exit. With a slight smile, Richie shook his head and trotted along behind him. 

Eddie drove with decent ease, but the whole time, Richie stayed sat in the passenger seat with one hand gripping his seatbelt and the other gripping the side glove compartment.

_ “Jesus fuck Jesus fuck.” _

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Richie, I’m doing fine!” He turned to look at him and locked eyes with the panicking boy alongside him. 

“Eyes on the road, Eddie. Please.”

Eddie took a quick glance at the road and saw that there were minimal cars around them and the next nearing stoplight had just turned green. “See,” he said in a teasing tone before turning to look back at Richie, “It’s fine.” He reached his hand out and ruffled the hair on the back of Richie’s neck. 

“You need a haircut.”

Richie had shut his eyes and succumbed to the comforting touch of Eddie. When he opened his eyes, he nearly screamed in horror as he realized Eddie was still going at his full speed, eyes off the road, and unaware of the fact that the light had now turned to red.

Before he could even utter a gasp, Eddie sent the car smashing into the blue Prius before them. 

The airbags relievingly stayed in their place and the only ‘hurt’ to be found was that of Richie’s heart at the possibility of some bad damage onto his precious car.

A man stepped out of the Prius and appeared to be screaming and shaking his fist. “Oh no,” Eddie muttered once he caught sight of him. 

“Don’t worry, just stay in here,” Richie got out of the car and Eddie saw the exact moment that Richie noticed the car’s damage as his face immediately contorted before noticing Eddie’s eyes and reverting to a gentle smile.

Eddie shook his head as he watched Richie reason with the angry man who Eddie just smashed his expensive car into. Richie wasn’t mad at him. He had just done something that he found to be terrible, and still, Richie appeared to be defending him to the angry man and even sending Eddie gentle smiles saying,  _ it’s gonna be okay, _ whenever he caught his eye. 

“I do not deserve this man,” Eddie whispered to himself as he kept his eyes on him. 

The rest of their would-be anniversary date night was spent filling out paperwork and reports with the angry, difficult man. Eddie had had to call the stand-up club the was taking him to and cancel the table he had saved, and although it was a gift special for Richie and Eddie had been getting him excited with hints and riddles about it for weeks, he was more upset about having to cancel it than he was. 

After all of the fuss the man had made about the minor damages his car had faced, Richie and Eddie didn’t make it back to the campus until nearly midnight and by then both boys were exhausted by the event. 

To both boys’ dismay, they had to take a taxi back and stayed sat in the backseat hand in hand, neither saying a word for a while and Eddie not receiving any distinct thoughts from Richie’s head to his. 

“I’m really sorry,” Eddie said quietly, breaking the silence. 

“No, baby, stop apologizing,” Richie squeezed his hand and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. As he did, he caught a glimpse of the taxi driver’s judging eyes but chose to ignore them as he’d entertained enough of those for one day. 

“I feel so terrible about the car,” Eddie frowned, “I promise, as soon as I get some money I will give it all to you for fixing it.”

Richie chuckled, “Please, Eds. You know the money isn’t a problem for me. Besides, you have no idea how many cars I’ve crashed as a teenager.”

Eddie looked at him with sad eyes, “Really?”

“Oh yeah. I was reckless and thought I was cool. My parents would just fix or replace them. No big deal, baby.”

“Are they gonna hate me ‘cause they know I did it?”

Richie chucked again, “No, love, they’ll probably have a little laugh about it.”

“Okay,” Eddie said sadly, leaning into Richie’s side as he placed an arm around him, “You can say you told me so now if you want.”

Richie pressed another kiss to his head, “Don’t be silly, I would never say that to you.”

“I really did have a good night planned. I wanted it to be good.”

“Hey,” Richie said, urging Eddie to look at him, “As long as it was spent with you then it was good,” Eddie tried to protest but Richie was quick to silence him, “Any time with you is time well spent. The car will be fine. I’m sorry I doubted you so much and I want you to know I am not holding it against you. I love you so much.”

Eddie sighed softly and allowed himself to finally smile, “I love you too.”

The cab dropped them in the school’s parking lot where Richie would have parked his car. Richie allowed Eddie to get out first and purposefully gave the driver a large tip as a  _ fuck you _ for giving him the evil eyes through the mirror. 

He then got out and put his arm protectively around Eddie,  _ “What a fucking asshole.” _

Eddie turned to look at him, “Who?”

“Huh,” Richie said, “Oh. Nothing baby, don’t worry. Say, why don’t you take me up on that haircut you mentioned.”

“You want me to cut your hair?”

“I’ve seen you cut your own, why not?”

Eddie’s eyes turned to the ground, “You still trust me to do anything after all that?”

Richie laughed and messed his hair up playfully, “I’ll always trust you.”

Eddie smiled, “Okay. But if it’s okay, I’d like to do it another night, I’m feeling a little bit shaken up.”

“That’s okay, baby. We have lots of time.”

Eddie looked up at him, “Yeah, we do.”

Eddie did eventually give Richie his well-needed haircut. He sat Richie on the edge of the bathtub and worked away carefully with a pair of kitchen scissors, stepping in and out of the bathtub and around Richie’s head to get the perfect angles of cut. 

“It’s not gonna be too drastic. I like you with your floppy hair.”

Richie giggled, “Whatever you say, babe.”

Richie shut his eyes and thought to himself,  _ “This is strangely intimate.” _

Eddie laughed, “Indeed, it is. All done, come look in the mirror.”

Richie walked around to the mirror and took a look at his reflection.  _ “Damn he did pretty good.” _ He playfully stroked his own chin as if to check himself out and Eddie giggled as he watched. 

“Looks amazing baby, you did a good job.”

Eddie ran his fingers through it and examined his work in the mirror. He cocked his mouth to the side and let out a small  _ mm _ sound before urging Richie back into his seat on the bath tub’s edge, “Let me even out the back a bit.”

Richie sat back down and Eddie put himself in the bathtub and began to cut away.

_ “You should bring it up now, Richie.” _

Eddie paused, “What is it, Richie?”

“O-oh,” Richie stuttered out as Eddie caught him in his thoughts, “Well… it’s been a while… like a long while… and I can’t stop thinking about your mom…”

Eddie briefly closed his eyes, “Richie, I know, I’m sorry. I’m gonna get to it, I just really don’t want to just bring you home and say ‘hey, look ma, I have a boyfriend now’ when she’s still oblivious to the fact that I'm gay and is constantly telling me about her neighbor’s pretty daughters every time she calls me.”

“You have to tell her eventually, Eddie. I just… we’ve already been together for two years, we’re gonna be out of here soon and there are some things that I want to do that I don’t want to have to do without having met her.”

Eddie sat the scissors down on the tub’s ledge, “Like what?”

“Like… what are we gonna do once we’re out of here? Sure as hell not go back home that’s what. I wanna live with you, Eds, and I want to be involved with your family before we get around to doing that.”

“You wanna live with me?”

“Of course I wanna live with you. I can’t go one second with you, I’ll die being apart once we graduate.”

Eddie felt tears well up in his eyes. Tears of what? He was not quite sure.  _ “Why isn’t he saying anything.” _ That was all he needed. The tears poured out. 

“Eddie, wha-” Richie was about to turn around when Eddie wrapped his arms around his neck from the spot behind him and held him tightly back against his chest. Richie leaned back into the hold with a surprised and concerned expression on his face, stroking Eddie’s arms gently as their hold around his neck-area tightened.  _ “What happened to him? What happened to my boy?” _

The sounds of worry from Richie’s mind brought Eddie a sense of comfort he found frighteningly overwhelming and found himself desperate to somehow hear even more than he already could. He pressed his ear against the top of Richie’s head, an action that only the most troubled mind could comprehend and cried as he tried to somehow get  _ more _ . 

_ “What is he doing?” _ Eddie cried harder as he attempted to press his ear to Richie’s head even stronger. The sounds still sounded the same, and part of Eddie’s mind was telling him that he was trying in vain, it will all always sound the same. 

Richie finally broke from his shocked silence, “Eds, what is it, baby?”

“I want it too, Richie. I want it all too. I’m just so scared of her, I don’t know what to do,” Eddie sobbed.

Richie managed to unwrap Eddie from his death grip holding him from behind and turned to face him, “It’s okay Eddie, It’s okay.” He wrapped his arms tightly around his waist and through his foggy tear-filled eyes, Eddie found Richie’s shoulders and hugged them firmly. 

They held each other tightly, Eddie still standing in the bathtub and Richie standing just by its ledge, closing all possible space between them in their position. 

Richie kissed the side of his head, “I can wait, Eddie.”

Eddie sniffled through his cries, “You shouldn’t have to.”

Richie shook his head and pulled back from the hold, taking Eddie’s face into his hands and wiping the tears from his cheeks with his thumb. 

“You don’t owe me anything, I can wait.”

Eddie shook his head, but Richie stopped him, “Trust me, you’re worth it.”

“I-I promise,” Eddie choked out as he began to finally calm down, “I promise that as soon as I get things sorted out with her and then we’ll go straight over there, okay?”

“Okay,” Richie smiled, “But I’m gonna drive this time.”

Eddie laughed and buried his face into Richie’s chest. 

He wasted no time calling his mother, and as soon as he was alone the next morning he stood in front of the mirror and stared himself directly into the eyes.

He took a deep breath, “You can do this, Eddie,” he grabbed his inhaler from its spot on the sink and sucked in a quick breath, “Just call her up, you got this. You’re an adult now. She doesn’t control you.”

He threw the inhaler back down on the sink, ashamed for having even picked it up. Richie helped him to overcome his fear of being anywhere without it, but he still keeps it on-site in his dorm room for when things get a little too much for him. Which, as much as tried not to admit it, happened quite a lot. 

He went and sat on his bed, removing his phone from his nightstand and unplugging it from its charger. With a deep and shaky breath, he dialed his mother’s phone number. He listened as the phone rang, knee anxiously bobbing up and down. 

“Hello,” her sickeningly fake tone traveled through the phone speaker into Eddie’s ear. 

“Mommy…”

“Eddie! I’m so glad you called, I’ve been thinking about you.”

Eddie shut his eyes and rubbed his forehead, “You have?”

“Of course I have, I always am.”

“That’s good ma, I appreciate it. I think about you too…”

“Have you been taking your medicine?”

“Yes,” Lie.

“The right amounts of everything?”

“Yes,” Lie.

“I’m glad!”

“Look, ma. There’s something that I’ve been meaning to tell you for a really long time now,” he could feel his heart beating out of his chest.

She paused, “What is it, Eddie?”

With a gulp and a sudden unexpected adrenaline-filled feeling of urgency, Eddie blurted, “I’m gay. I’m gay, ma. And I’m seeing someone… someone who means a lot to me and I would really like for you to meet.”

Eddie could hear his mother sigh from her end of the phone line and he eagerly chewed his thumbnail as he anticipated her response.

“I don’t know what to say, Eddie.”

“Anything…”

“I should have known. Maybe I did know. Maybe I just chose to ignore it. I thought about it when you were a little boy. I saw the way you neglected to pay attention to any of the little girls around you. It must have been a result of one of your sicknesses.”

Eddie could hear tears well up in her throat as he fought back tears of his own, “That’s not how that works, mom.”

“How does it work then, huh?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Exactly. But I am your mother, I do. And what is this about you seeing someone? Who is this person.”

“His name is Richie. He means everything to me.”

She scoffed, “You’re still too young to understand what you’re saying.”

“Too young? I’m twenty-two years old. I’ve been on my own for a while now,” his voice was rising as he the sadness melted away and a second confidence spout filled him, this time one topped with anger, “As a matter of fact, I’m about to graduate and I’m gonna be in business, ma. Do you even care to listen to that? Did you even know what it was I was doing here?”

“What does that have to do with anyth-'' her words were cut short by her now screaming son.

“I’m gonna have a life, mom! I’m gonna have money and a life! I’m not going to be like you and I sure as hell am not going to let you dictate what I do with my life, or-or my penis! Fuck you, Sonia! Yeah! Fuck you! I don’t care what you think!”

Eddie immediately hung up the phone and sat in shocked silence, eyes fixated on the wall before him.

“Jesus Christ,” he said to himself, “You did that.”

He threw himself back against his bed and sprawled out his arms, “I am so proud of you.”

He later went on to tell Richie that, unfortunately, he would not be going to meet his mother anytime soon, and he, himself, would not be going either. 

On Richie’s twenty-second birthday, he insisted that they stay in and have a simple night to themselves. No usual dinner outing or extravagant dates like they did for their past birthdays spent together, just them, alone, with no one else around to interrupt.

“But why,” Eddie whined. As much as he loved the thought of spending time exclusively alone with Richie, he felt he deserved that extra treatment for his birthday.

“Well, I don’t know about you, Eds,” Richie said as he came out of Eddie’s dorm room washroom, zipping up his pants, “But, I’m feeling twenty-two.”

Eddie’s face dropped, “You did not.”

“Ah, but I did.”

“Okay. That’s fine. You’ve officially convinced me that there is no point in ever going anywhere with you in public again. Thank you.”

Richie laughed and joined him on his bed, wrapping his arms and legs around him, nearly suffocating Eddie in the process. 

Eddie groaned, “Richie, please,” he struggled against his body as he tried to free himself from Richie’s hold. 

Richie only squeezed himself around him tighter, “NEVER!”

“PLEASE! I want to give you your gift!”

“Gift?” Richie finally obliged and untangled his body from Eddie’s.

Eddie sat up with a gasp of air, “Yes, your gift you octopus,” he got up and walked over to his closet to retrieve the gift bag.

_ “Did he just call me an octopus?”  _ Eddie giggled quietly at his sudden thought, realizing only now, hearing Richie ‘say it’, that it didn’t make as much sense as he thought it did. 

“I did call you an octopus,” Eddie said, causing Richie’s head to shoot up into his direction, “Because you hold me as if you have tentacles.”

“Is this some secret kink that you have or something, cause you know I can be a freak but I don’t know about all that.”

“Oh god, Richie, shut up,” Eddie took the bag from its spot on the closet’s floor and handed it over to him.

Richie smiled brightly as he examined the bag. Eddie had felt that the bag was the most important part of the gift. It should be seen as a staple to set the tone for the receiver and make them anticipate the gift even more. He also believed that the receiver should love the bag so much that they have no desire to throw it out as they would to some regular solid bag a gift was placed in. That’s why when he saw the baby pink bag with the little tiara topped Pomeranian on it, he knew it was meant for Richie.

_ “It’s so me!” _ Richie’s brain cried, causing Eddie to giggle. 

“Look at the beautiful little princess!” Richie said, taking the same tone as his thoughts, “What a perfect little baby!”

Eddie laughed, “Okay Richie, enough about the bag.”

Richie smiled and carefully pulled the white wrapping paper out of its spot on the bag’s top. He gasped as he looked down into the bag and pulled out its contents. In his hands, he pulled out a series of folded up button-up shirts that Eddie knew he would love, and a novel with a title that he had recognized.  _ Attic room. William Denbrough. _

_ “Ah, yeah, we watched this movie.” _

Eddie smiled slightly, “I know how much you enjoyed the movie, so I figured this will keep you entertained next time we read together. I’m sure you’ll like this one better than The Sun Also Rises.”

Richie giggled, “Thank you, baby, I’m looking forward to it.”

“There’s one more thing,” Eddie said with a smile.

Richie sent the smile back to him, “This is all too much, baby. You really didn’t have to.” He reached his hand in and pulled out a mason jar filled with small sheets of paper. He tilted his head.  _ “What’s this?” _ He turned it around and read, over a piece of tape in Eddie’s precise handwriting,  **Richie’s Head.**

Richie looked up at him from his seat on the bed and Eddie smiled, “Go on, open it up.”

He twisted the jar’s lid and placed it gently onto his knee. He shook the jar around slightly and watched as the small sheets of paper bobbed against each other before pulling one of them out.

He cleared his throat, reading it over silently once with furrowed eyebrows before saying it again aloud, “Where do…emus live?” He suddenly burst into laughter, causing Eddie to follow suit.  _ “I couldn’t stop thinking about that a few weeks ago.” _

“Do more!” Eddie cried through his laughter, “It only gets better.”

Richie grabbed another sheet and looked down at it, bursting into harder laughter at the first glance of its words, “Is there anime in the afterlife?”

Both boys burst into more belly-busting laughter as Richie continuously pulled out the small papers filled with thoughts that Eddie had observed over the last month.

Richie clutched his stomach, tears welling up in his eyes as he read, “Is octo-mom still alive?”

With tears in his eyes and a sigh, Richie reached in once again, “Ah, fuck,” he pulled out another and Eddie wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes as he tried to gain his composure, “I… can’t wait to marry this man.”

Eddie’s laughter died out and he smiled somberly, “Yeah, that one had to make it in there.”

Richie’s laughter now stopped too as he reached in for another and once again read it aloud, “That’s the love of my life.”

Once again, tears began to well up in Richie’s eyes, but these tears were different from his previous ones, as they were now filled with love and melancholy content, rather than laughter. 

“Oh, Eddie,” he said through tears as he removed his glasses and allowed himself to cry into his hands.

Eddie rushed over to him and hugged his head close against his stomach. Richie stayed in his spot on the bed and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, reverting his ‘crying in the hands’ crying to, ‘crying into Eddie’s clothes’ crying. 

“It’s perfect, so perfect,” he cried.

Eddie fought back tears as he stroked Richie’s hair soothingly, “Just thought you’d like it.”

“Oh, I love it. This is the best birthday gift I’ve ever gotten,” he moved his face from its burial spot in Eddie’s sweater and looked at the bag now sat on the floor by his feet, “And I love that fucking bag!”

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh. 

It was an excruciatingly warm day when Eddie led Richie into his room after the final baseball game of his college career. He plopped himself onto his bed in exhaustion with a huff. 

Richie sat on the bed’s edge and removed his shoes.  _ “Must be nice not having a roommate. I wonder what he did all these years in here on his own when I wasn’t around.” _

Eddie closed his eyes and fanned himself with his hand, “Why don’t you just ask me if you’re so curious, genius?”

Richie looked over at him, “Fine. What did you do in here all by yourself?”

“Well, before you, I would just lounge around and study,” Eddie started as his mind began to wander to all the times post-Richie when he would slide down his wall like jelly after Richie would leave him with a lingering kiss, “Then after you, I would listen to music that would make me think of you and dance around like a little school girl with a crush on her teacher.”

Richie laughed, but stopped when he noticed Eddie’s serious expression, “Wait…for real?”

Eddie looked down as he removed his baseball cap from his head and fiddled with it in his hands, “Yeah, for real... I have a playlist for it and everything.”

“You do not,” Richie smiled.

“I do,” Eddie started, “I’d hook my phone up to that old speaker I have and just imagine I’m in some movie about someone who’s lifelong crush finally made eye contact with them.”

Richie smiled at him,  _ “I live for this fucking endearing ass shit.” _

Eddie giggled, “Yeah, that’s how you make me feel, Rich.”

“Well,” Richie said, taking the cap from Eddie’s hands and placing it on his nightstand, “How about we hear it?”

“My ‘alone time thinking about Richie’ playlist?”

“Yes,” Richie said through a giggle, “Show me what you got.”

“If you say so,” Eddie said, getting up and connecting his phone to his speaker. He scrolled through the device and Richie watched from the bed,  _ “Let’s see what his fine ass got.” _

Eddie blushed, “Richie cut it out.” He found his playlist and pressed shuffle. This sent  _ Baby I _ by Ariana Grande blasting through his room.

_ “Ariana fucking Grande?” _ Eddie made a face to Richie with clenched teeth and giggled as he bounced to the song slightly. 

“No fucking way,” Richie said through a smile

“Way… I am so sorry.”

Richie laughed and got up to join him, bopping to the song in slight shame with his hands on Eddie’s hips. 

“This is so embarrassing,” Eddie said, putting his head down as he continued to dance to the painfully cheesy song. 

“I have to admit… after all the jamming out we’ve done together, I’d never expect a song like this to enter your playlist,” Richie said, making a decent point. Whenever music was listened to together, Eddie seemed to absolutely lose his mind over any sort of old school rock ‘n’ roll and found great charm in all of the old CDs Richie had that were burnt from his dad. Even when it came to dedicating love songs to one another, Eddie always leaned toward old classic songs like Elton’s  _ Your Song _ , or Queen’s  _ You’re My Best Friend _ . Never once would it have been suspected that Ariana Grande would be the one to evoke ‘Richie’ feelings in Eddie. 

“It’s hard to explain, it just makes me feel giddy.”

Richie smiled as he imagined a happy and ditzy Eddie dancing around his room to thoughts of him and Eddie immediately cringed, “Cut that out.”

He giggled, “Sorry, baby. It’s not so bad, I can dig it.” He got up on top of Eddie’s bed and put a hand out for him to grab.

“Oh my god, Rich,” Eddie said, but nonetheless joined Richie in standing on the bed’s top anyway. 

_ “Hey, it’s not exactly terrible… it’s actually kind of catchy.” _

Eddie laughed as he picked the thought up amongst the sound of the music and began singing along to the song. Richie giggled and joined him.

“Ah, so he knows the words,” Eddie said playfully.

“It appears so,” Richie replied with a similar tone.

They both began to sing again, well, rather scream, as they jumped up and down on Eddie’s bed, “All I’m tryna say is you’re my everything, baby!”

Eddie’s door suddenly swung upon causing both boys to flinch and grab hold of each other. In the doorway stood their RA, the only other person whom Eddie formally introduced himself to in the years of his campus life. His hands were on his hips and his name lanyard reading  _ Stanley, _ swayed from side to side from his swift movements. His expression looked angered and, if it was a real comprehensible emotion,  _ done _ and there were light beads of sweat trickling down his forehead from the evening's intense heat.

“Would you please, for the love of God, quiet down.”

Eddie and Richie stared at him, stunned and rather embarrassed, still clutching each other in surprise. 

Stanley shook his head at the both of them, “We’re almost fucking out of here guys. Please for this last bit of the year don’t give me any issues,” he was about to leave the room before he turned around to them one last time, “And lock your fucking door, asshole.”

As soon as the door slammed and Stanley was out of sight, the boys looked at each other with blank stares before collapsing down onto the bed in laughter.

The rest of their school year came and went and before they knew it, Richie and Eddie were sat on a stage in graduation gowns and caps. 

They were sat by alphabetical order of their last names, to both boys dismay as they were now what felt like miles apart. Even so, they continuously sent each other glances that brought them into quiet giggle fits, and Eddie could still hear every word that Richie muttered in his head.

_ “There are so many fucking people.” _

_ “Jesus Christ, I am so nervous.” _

_ “Am I really ready to be getting out of here. I’m still a fucking kid.” _

In these moments, Eddie wished more than anything that somehow, Richie could hear his own thoughts in the way that he could hear is. So that he could hear him say,  _ baby, it’s okay. You got this. I’m here. _

Once the ceremony was finally over and the diplomas were all handed out, they reunited with a tight squeeze and a thrilling kiss.

“Wooahhh! Get a room, am I right?” An all too familiar voice boomed. Eddie and Richie broke away from each other and turned to look at the one Wentworth Tozier with two bouquets occupying his hands, his wife trailing close behind him.

“Father!” Richie called as he did the day he first brought Eddie home to meet his parents. 

Went passed the flowers to his wife and hugged his son firmly. Maggie watched with nearly tearful eyes and handed one of the bouquets to Eddie, “This one’s for you, sweetie.”

“Oh, Maggie, you didn’t have to.”

“You’re family now. Good luck.”

Eddie laughed and Went turned to him, tears in his eyes, “I am so proud of both of you.” Eddie could now see that Richie was beginning to cry as well. Maggie handed him the other batch of flowers and took him into her arms, “You did it, baby.”

Eddie watched and felt his throat begin to tighten with sobs, but Went placed a firm hand on his shoulder and nodded to him, causing Eddie to feel a strange sense of security. Any need to cry suddenly escaped him and he took Richie’s father into a tight hug with such confidence that he didn’t even know existed within him.

Went asked no questions, hugging Eddie back firmly, “You’re gonna do great things kid,”

Once the Tozier’s headed home to allow the boys to gather their things from their dorm rooms, Eddie and Richie began their walk back hand-in-hand. 

“You ready to live together?” Richie asked, squeezing his hand. They had just bought an apartment perfect for them out in the city. Went, although both boys protested, paid off all of its expenses and was prepared to cover any decorating costs the boys brought in. 

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life,” Eddie smiled. 

The slowly emptying out atmosphere of the once busy graduation site was rather quiet, but an overpowering sound of high-heels clicking approached the boys, and they each looked away from each other to the person walking toward them.

Eddie froze as he saw his mother nearing them.

“Eddie,” she said as she arrived.

“Mom…” he muttered out as the first word he had said to his mother in months. 

“Mom?” Riche asked.

She looked at Richie with a scowl and pulled Eddie into a hug, one in which he had a delayed reaction due to his shock, leaving her hanging there with her arms around him before he finally came back down to Earth and returned her embrace. Richie watched in surprise and slight anger.  _ “This is the bitch that hurt him for so long.”  _ Eddie silently prayed that Richie would keep his mouth shut and sighed in relief as he heard,  _ “Kill em with kindness, Rich.” _

“Oh, you must be Mrs. Kaspbrak!” Richie expressed exaggeratingly once they backed away from their hug, “I have heard so much about you, what a gorgeous woman you are.”

Eddie rubbed his forehead and squinted his eyes shut and he listened to his boyfriend ramble, “I can see where Eddie gets his looks from!’

His mother did not show any sort of expression to Richie’s comments and only responded with a condescending tone, “And you must be… Richie.” Eddie watched as she looked at him up and down judgingly and quietly whimpered as he watched Richie recoil in her gaze.  _ “Why is she looking at me like that?... What’s wrong with me?” _ This only created another moment in Eddie that made him wish he could somehow transfer a message to Richie. A message saying,  _ Nothing is wrong with you, baby. You’re perfect, she’s just evil. _

She turned back to Eddie, shrugged, leaned in, and planted a kiss to his cheek. “Call me, I’m proud of you.”

Eddie couldn’t help his inner sucker for approval from his mother and frowned, “Thank you, mommy.”

She left without another word and Eddie watched as she walked away. 

Richie placed a hand on his shoulder, “Well, she seems nice.”

Eddie sighed and placed his arm around Richie’s waist, “C’mon Rich,” he said urging him to move, “Let’s go home.”


	4. Drunk In Love

Moving out of his college dorm room that he had inhabited on his own for four whole years was one of the hardest things that Eddie has ever done. To him, packing up and leaving this part of his life behind was almost as difficult as when he had to leave his mother to get there. 

He stood in front of his packed cardboard moving boxes and shook his head as he thought of the trouble it has been to get here, and now, as if it meant nothing, he was leaving. 

He was filled with doubts, worries and almost needed to reach for his inhaler before Richie snaked his arms around his waist from behind and suddenly, everything felt right in Eddie’s world.

Richie pressed a gentle kiss behind his ear, “Everything’s almost in the trunk. Is this the last of yours?”

Eddie stared down at the boxes and nodded, “Looks like.”

_ “He’s nervous, I can tell.” _

Eddie felt a small smile burn his face as Richie’s thought filled his ears. He turned to face him and hugged his middle tightly, earning a squeak from the latter.

Eddie slowly loosened his group, burying his face into Richie’s chest and, as usually done when he moves himself into this position, allowed for Richie to stroke his hair.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Richie spoke softly, “I’m gonna be there.”

“In that case, I should be very afraid.”

Richie smiled down at him, tugging his hair gently to move his head back, “Cut it out, it’s gonna be fine. Trust me, Eds.”

Eddie stared at him for a moment before pressing a kiss up to his lips, “I trust you.”

**Do you trust me?**

**Yes…**

The memory of watching Aladdin with Richie had suddenly resurfaced as Eddie watched him lift his boxes and move them out of the room. He smiled softly to himself as he remembered the way Richie was able to recite almost every word to every song. Eddie always thought that Richie was just like the Genie, witty and a bit sporadic, but it had only then, at that moment, hit Eddie that Richie was more like Aladdin than anyone else.

_ Why am I only now realizing that he’s so much like Aladdin?  _ Eddie couldn’t help but wonder. After the way Richie taught him a life outside of his small bubble and saved him from being married off to one of his mother’s neighbors, the parallel was front and center. 

He began to laugh slightly as he remembered Richie reaching out for his hand atop his bed for him to join him and dance in the same way Aladin held out for Jasmine to join him on the magic carpet. 

In retrospect, Eddie concluded that Richie was a prince, and he would always be safe with his prince around. 

With that thought alone, Eddie decided that he needed to be out of there and in with Richie as soon as humanly possible. He grabbed the last remaining few of his boxes and lugged them outside to Richie’s car. 

“Woah,” Richie called as he ran to the boy to retrieve one of the boxes from his hands, “What are you trying to break your arms?”

Eddie laughed quietly as pain suddenly shot up his right arm, “Already did that when I was a kid.”

Richie loaded the boxes into the trunk for him and pressed a button on his keys that sent the trunk down slowly into self, causing Eddie to watch in awe as he did every single time. 

As Eddie’s face changed to its typical ‘woah Richie’s car is cool’ dumbstruck expression, Richie’s face changed into its own expression of awe and ‘struck’ nature.  _ “Every time I look at him, it’s like the first time. It’s like it’s the first time I’m ever seeing him and I stop breathing ‘cause, good God, what a beautiful man. It’s like falling in love all over again, I don’t know what to do.” _

Richie was so lost in thought that he failed to realize Eddie now stared at him, giggling to himself as he listened to every word running through his mind. 

“Oh, fuck,” he giggled out as he slowly realized, “You caught me.”

Eddie smiled brightly and kissed his cheek, “C’mon loverboy, before you fall in love again.”

Richie watched as Eddie got into the car’s passenger side,  _ “Fuck, I got it bad.” _

Even after three whole years of being together, Richie and Eddie had never had a proper  _ fight _ . Sure, there was the odd blow up over which Michael Cera movie was better or who had the bigger penis, but it wasn’t until home decor came into the picture that Richie and Eddie officially lost it. 

When they first moved into their new apartment, Wentworth Tozier had the whole place temporarily furnished with lackluster furniture for them to live with until they decided on the theme of decor they wanted to have. 

Both boys anticipated getting to decorate a home for the two of them, one that would be theirs, but they never realized just how different they were until it was time to decide on what kind of chairs would be used to furnish the kitchen.

They sat at the temporary kitchen table with its plain wooden chairs and flipped through a home furnishing magazine. 

“I just think if we’re being given the opportunity, we should not want to be so plain,” Richie proclaimed as he pointed out lavish oak chairs with timeless velvet seatings.

Eddie shook his head, “What do we need all that for?”

“Because, it’s nice, Eddie.”

“It’s over-priced and over the top.”

Richie couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “It isn’t like we’re paying for it.”

Eddie laughed, “Have a little compassion for your father, Richie.”

Richie huffed and continued to flip through the magazine,  _ “It isn’t his fault he didn’t get to live the good life growing up.” _

“Excuse me?” Eddie blurted out rather loudly.

Richie turned to look at him, oblivious for a moment, “I didn’t say anything.”

“I didn’t get to live the good life?”

Richie blinked behind his glasses as he suddenly caught on, “Oh… well, no, actually you didn’t.”

“What makes you believe that?”

“Well, for one, you had a fucked up mo-”

“I’m sorry I value more in life than materials.”

Richie chuckled, “What are you talking about?”

Eddie stood from his seat, “All you care about and all you seem to classify as, ‘good life’ are material things. Things that have a price tag. One that many kids would not even touch. You’re very privileged Richie, humble yourself.”

“Am I supposed to feel bad for not understanding things that I have not personally experienced?”

Eddie had stared at him as if he had grown a second head, “Yes, Richie! That is called empathy!”

“I don’t know why you’re yelling!”

“Why are you yelling?!”

“Because you started yelling first!”

Eddie groaned in frustration, Richie groaned in frustration, and they parted ways into separate rooms of the apartment. 

In a spur of anger, Eddie almost called his mom, whose relationship with him was only just reblossoming, and Richie almost called his father and told him to call everything off. 

Thankfully, neither of them did either of these things, as they soon realized that the anger was nothing but an intoxication that would soon be gone, resulting in a gross, pitiful, and sorry with regret hangover like state. 

_ “Like drinking too much,” _ Eddie could hear as his eyes met the back of Richie’s head from the other room,  _ “You overindulge because you think it’s right, but you always feel shitty about it the next day.” _

Eddie frowned to himself and went into their new shared bedroom. He placed himself into the sheets and thought about what Richie had been thinking.  _ “Like drinking too much.” _

He then had a thought of his own, and it was one that he had heard time after time, from the TV to the radio, the statement was timeless,  _ never go to bed angry. _

Richie appeared to feel the same way as he soon entered the room and crawled into bed next to him, “Eddie, baby, I’m so sorry.”

“So am I, Rich.”

“It was stupid, I overreacted. You’re one thousand percent right. I need to quit being such a spoiled little rich kid.”

Eddie shook his head and placed a hand on Richie’s cheek, “We’re different. We don’t understand each other in every way, and that’s okay. We don’t have to. There’s probably going to be many more nights like this.”

Richie nuzzled his face into Eddie’s hand and shut his eyes to the sound of his words, “You’re right.”

Eddie removed his glasses from his face gently and placed them on their nightstand before crawling into his lap, “And we’ll always be able to solve it in the end. Because that’s who we are.”

Richie smirked and traveled his hand up Eddie’s shirt, “That’s who we are.”

That was who they were. And the fights happened time and time again, only to be resolved by the rational mind and physical contact that went beyond each other’s greatest expectations. 

Each man's favorite time of the week was, strangely enough, Sunday mornings. Many people hate Sundays, as they carry the looming plague of a new week on their tails, but for Richie and Eddie, this was the morning of being completely alone together. 

With Richie hosting the morning rock sets on their local radio channel Monday through Saturdays, and Eddie working five days a week at his dream job in the city hopping from institution to institution, Sunday is their official day where nothing seems to be happening. No hurrying off in the mornings with hardly a peck of a kiss and no overly-hot coffee, just the two of them sleeping in and basking in each other’s company.

It all seemed to happen very fast for them, especially for Eddie, who was intimidated enough to be leaving school just months before and was quickly thrown into the grueling task of being a risk analyst. 

Richie, while being equally as flustered by the sudden lifestyle shift, seemed to adapt a lot quicker. At the beginning Eddie would always hear his thoughts running with traces of,  _ “Jesus, it’s all just hitting me out of nowhere” _ , but soon enough Richie was nodding to himself as he poured his morning coffee, thinking,  _ “This really isn’t so bad.” _

Richie acquired his job rather quickly, as he had participated in many internships at various local radio stations and Eddie observed that they had all practically battled for Richie’s employment. Although there were many high paying and tremendously popular stations that wanted Richie with them and would go to great lengths to get him, Richie inevitably settled down with his favorite small childhood station and took over the program he once anticipated wildly on his drive to school in his father’s multiple fancy cars. 

Eddie’s job, like Richie’s, was closely linked to a childhood memory, only the one Eddie carried was nowhere near as innocent and positive. Growing up, Eddie’s mother used to drag him everywhere with her. He was never allowed to be left on his own under any circumstances and even at the appointments she would refer to as “visiting her lady doctor”, Eddie always had to be present. Sonia Kaspbrak, like many, was extremely paranoid of her money, but this ‘many’ did not visit the bank every single day of their mortal lives to simply view the money they had in the bank. Not to take any of the money out, or even put any more money in, just to see if it is still sitting there. Of course, it always was. Despite the situation being one that makes Eddie cringe as he looks back, he can admit that if it wasn’t for his mother’s avid paranoia toward her money (and everything else too, for that matter), he would not have been well known to the bank’s branch manager, who had many connections to large firms throughout the city looking for someone to assess their potential risk factors. With a few phone calls from Sonia Kaspbrak and an outstandingly successful interview, Eddie Kaspbrak was the one the entire city of Maine wanted to give them the green light on potential investments. 

With everything work-related left aside, Eddie and Richie finally have their alone time on Sunday morning with their limbs entangled and their fingers placing gentle touches about each other's chests. 

As Eddie lay with his head leaning onto Richie’s shoulder, he would observe the silence as he gently stroked the minimal hair Richie wore on his chest. In these moments, Richie hardly had a thought aside from,  _ “this is the life” _ , and gave Eddie an opportunity to complete quiet and time to enjoy him in the serene silence. 

“You’re awfully quiet today,” Eddie whispered as he pressed gentle kisses to Richie’s shoulder.

Richie let out a lazy chuckle, “I’m sleepy. My brain isn’t working. And I’m just enjoying the moment.”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

Richie entangled his fingers into his and kissed his knuckles, “What do you wanna do today?”

“I’m fine just staying right in here all day.”

“Tell me about it.”

Eddie put a tight grip around Richie’s waist, “Let’s just stay here forever.”

“I wish we could, Eds.”

Now that conversation had been initiated and Richie’s brain had officially been switched on for the morning, thoughts began to flood in. 

Eddie spoke up when he had heard,  _ “I wonder what I’m gonna look like in 10 years.” _

“Probably Adam Driver,” Eddie said, running his hand up and down Richie’s torso.

“Excuse me?”

“You look like him.”

“I can’t believe out of everyone I could potentially look like, you say Adam Driver. Why couldn’t you have just said… like Keanu Reeves or something?”

Eddie giggled, “I’m sorry when I look at you I just don’t see John Wick.”

“You’re the worst,” Richie said with a slight smile. 

“Listen, I don’t care what you say, that man is fucking hot.”

Richie sighed and his smile grew bigger as he stroked Eddie’s arm gently, admiring the way his flesh grew goosebumps at the contact. _ “That looks nice.” _

“What about me?” Eddie interrupted his thoughts.

“Hm?” He replied, snapping out of the small trance.

“What will I look like in 10 years?”

Richie didn’t let himself miss a beat, “Probably like Christopher Walken or something.”

Eddie laughed and shoved his shoulder back gently, resulting in Richie attacking him under his arms and on his sides with tickling motions nearly bringing tears to Eddie’s eyes. 

Through their giggle fits, Eddie’s phone began to ring and Eddie choked out a struggled, “S-stop,” as he reached for the phone on his bedside night table. 

“Who is it?” Richie breathed out with a smile.

“My mom.” Eddie sat up and shook himself free of his careless and giggly state to talk to his mother on the phone, “Hi ma.”

He got up and walked around the room, picking up stray laundry as he spoke and as Richie observed through listening, the conversation was nothing but simply ‘shooting the shit.’

He sighed from his spot on the bed,  _ “I wish he wouldn’t talk to her so much.” _

Eddie whipped a sock into his direction, to which Richie caught it in his hand and threw right back to him. 

_ “I don’t want her to make him hate me.” _ A recurring thought that Eddie hears come from Richie constantly. Since Eddie reconnected with his mother, the rivalry between the two was almost laughable. They seemed to fight for Eddie’s attention when together and Sonia, more than anything, wanted to put Richie down to her son as much as she could. He grew paranoid whenever they had their almost daily phone calls, as he was almost sure that she was poisoning his mind with doubts about him.

Eddie turned to look at him, as he heard every word, and mouthed to him, “Never baby. Never.”

Richie smiled,  _ “That’s all I needed.” _ He got up from his spot on the bed and placed a kiss on Eddie’s cheek before making his way into the washroom. 

Eddie watched as he walked away from him and shook his head to himself.  _ Nothing _ , he thought,  _ no one. Nothing and no one will make me change my mind about how I feel. _

Richie reached a point in which he realized that Eddie’s little secret magic trick of reading his mind could actually be used in his favor. 

He had to admit, there were times when he almost felt babied by Eddie, as he did things for him because he knew he wanted him done. An example that Richie could never forget was when he and Eddie sat on the couch watching ET and a thought occurred to him that he had to put the laundry away.

_ “God, I gotta go take that laundry out of the machine,”  _ Richie had thought. Before he could get up to go do it, Eddie had gotten up and did it himself, leaving Richie dumbfounded on the couch.

There was also the time they were about to leave the house and head to the grocery store when Richie looked down and thought,  _ “Fuck, these are my good shoes.”  _ As he was about to turn around to reach into the closet for his sneakers, he saw Eddie already bent over grabbing them for him. He watched with a chuckle and thought,  _ “Always one step ahead of me.” _

While he was grateful and respected the extra assistance Eddie always provided him with, he felt slightly helpless to the fact that there was no way of him equating this level of assistance back. 

On the contrary, Richie soon saw the positive side of this lucky little thing they had. He could tell Eddie things in public that he didn’t want anybody to hear and he would hear every last bit of it. There were times when he would send nasty, dirty things into Eddie’s brain, causing him to blush at whoever else they stood in front of, but he most enjoyed the way it could be used as a sort of secret alliance between the two. If he wanted out, he could discreetly tell Eddie that he wanted out and only Eddie would know.

When at dinner with Richie’s co-host from his morning show and his wife, he got extremely antsy and wanted nothing more than to be done with the night and go home to watch a shitty documentary on the couch with his boyfriend. Eddie chatted away with the couple and seemed to be keeping busy despite wanting the night to be over himself after a long day at work. 

Richie suddenly grabbed Eddie’s hand gently and casually, as if there was no other intention but to simply hold his lover’s hand and began to let his brain fill with thoughts to be sent directly to Eddie.

_ “I want to go home, like now.”  _ Eddie’s slight smile grew bigger as he listened and tried to stifle a laugh as he spoke to the oblivious pair. He had heard all of Richie’s sighs and huffs throughout the night, but this time he felt the statement being intentionally sent directly to him.  _ “Please pretend you’re getting an important business call and have to go.” _

Eddie chatted for a few moments before pretending as if the phone in his pocket began to vibrate, “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said as he reached in and retrieved the phone. He took a look at the blank screen and made a fake expression of confusion, “Sorry if you’ll excuse me, I really have to take this.” He got up and walked away from the table as if he was talking on the phone with someone important.

Richie smiled,  _ “You got it, baby.” _

“He’s lovely,” his co-host's wife smiled, “When will you guys be getting married.”

“Oh, leave the boy alone, don’t pressure him with that,” Richie’s co-host slurred. He was an older, rougher man.  _ Jerry.  _ That same  _ Jerry _ that Richie listened to speak through the speakers of his dad’s radio when he was a little boy. Being in his presence was often the coolest thing in the world to Richie, but other times, he could be a little agitating for his bruteness and constant drunken state. 

Eddie soon made his way back to the table, “I am so so sorry you guys,” he said as he retrieved his jacket, “I got an urgent call from a client and I have to head out, Richie sweetie we have to go.”

“Oh, darn,” Richie sighed as he got up, “Sorry guys, we had a great time, thank you for having us.”

The brute man waved a hand in the air swiftly, “We owed you guys one for covering our last dinner. We’re sad to see you go, come out with us again.”

“Please,” his wife smiled in agreement.

“Oh, of course,” Eddie said as he took Richie’s hand, “It was such a pleasure, thank you so much for everything.”

They walked out of the restaurant hand in hand and Richie gave a slight tickle to Eddie’s side as soon as they stepped out of the door, causing Eddie to squeak.

“Nice going,” Richie whispered to him.

Eddie giggled, “Yeah, yeah, I was getting tired too.”

“I just wanted to go home and watch another stupid fast-food documentary.”

“What, can you read my mind now too or something?” Eddie asked as he kissed Richie’s cheek.

“Shh,” Richie giggled as he opened the passenger side door for him to get in.

Eddie leaned against the door frame, hand rested upon the car’s top, “You sure you don’t want me to drive?”

Richie laughed, “God no.”

The many years Eddie had spent with Richie and his family made him feel a sense of belonging that he had never gotten in his own home. He can still remember the warmth that enveloped him the first day he stepped into the Tozier household and the warmth has never once faded. The Tozier’s and their house never seem to experience a change in season. 

On Wentworth Tozier’s birthday, Eddie accompanied Richie to a small celebration amongst the four of them at their lavish house. 

They laughed and drank as Wentworth and Maggie poked fun at their son’s dress and hobbies in their tipsy states. Eddie watched in enchantment, seeming to finally experience a taste of the life he had never before seen. 

“How come your mom never comes around to see us, huh?” Wentworth said with a playful slap to the table. 

“Dad,” Richie grumbled, and Eddie could hear his brain mutter,  _ “How many times have we been over this?” _

“It’s fine, Rich,” Eddie said taking a sip from his wine glass, “Well, you probably don’t remember but she’s a bit… much so to speak.”

Maggie began nodding and placed a hand on her husband’s shoulder, “That’s right, Went, remember? She's like DeeDee Blanchard.”

Richie began to rub his forehead,  _ “Why did I have to put that analogy in their heads?” _

Eddie smiled and took Richie’s hand into his to assure him that everything was fine, “Yes, Maggie, you got it.”

“That’s too bad,” Went proclaimed sadly, “I wanna know more about your father.”

“Okay, dad, no.”

“Richie, it’s fine. I can tell you about him if you like.”

“Please do,” Maggie chimed in. 

“I don’t remember much of him, I was fairly young… but certain things about him I do. Like, he was a music man. He played all sorts of instruments, like guitar and drums. I clearly remember him singing to me when he’d put me to sleep instead of reading me a story. He was very ambitious… had many hobbies… sports even… him after all that led to my mom not letting me do anything when I still lived with her. He looked like me, but he was tall. I got a lot of his features but unfortunately, height wasn’t one of them,” the table chuckled as they listened and continued to let him speak, “Other than that, I don’t remember much. I remember the sound of his voice and the feeling of his hug, but that’s really all. I think, very faintly somewhere in my mind he left a lot of wisdom, but I can never seem to make out the things he once said to me. I may not remember him all that well, but I certainly miss him. I always wonder how different life would have been had he been alive.”

_ “Richie, don’t you dare fucking cry.” _ Eddie tightened his grip on Richie’s hand, hoping that it would ease his emotions. 

As they cleaned up the table after dinner, Eddie followed Richie into the Tozier living room and sat close to him on the couch.

He leaned his head on him gently, “We need like… some sort of like… plan. In case something goes wrong.”

Richie chuckled, “Like what?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie shrugged, “Like some natural disaster or something.”

Richie gently twisted his fingers into strands of Eddie’s hair, “Okay, baby. What kind of plan?”

“Maybe like a meeting spot?”

Richie smiled, “You’re so random. Fine we can think of one.”

Eddie thought for a moment, “How about right outside the university? We’ve gone there so many times it’s only natural to remember the way there. We’ll find each other quickly.”“

Richie nodded, “Sounds good to me.”

“So, if there is ever some kind of atomic missile threat, where are you gonna meet me?”  
Richie giggled, “Outside our school.”

“Very good.”

On the way out of the house later that night, Went stopped Eddie with a gentle grab of his wrist. When Eddie turned to look at him, he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, foreign to the firm touch he was used to. 

“Eddie,” he said, locking their eyes, “I want you to know that you’re like a son of mine now, okay?”

Richie watched in awe of the interaction and Eddie almost giggled when he heard,  _ “Dad’s going all soft on him.” _

Once the amusement of the comment wore off, Eddie felt tears nearly well up in his eyes, “Thank you, Went. I appreciate it.”

Maggie came up from behind him and spoke over Went’s shoulder, “And whenever you need it, I can be your mom!”

Eddie smiled, “Thank you guys, I love you, I really do.”

“We love you too,” Went said with a smile.

“We all do, so much,” Richie replied from behind him.

Eddie turned to face him and took hold of his arm, “Thank you guys for the amazing night, happy birthday again… dad.”

_ “Is he gonna fucking cry?”  _ Eddie looked at Went’s face after hearing the anecdote and giggled as the tears started filling his eyes.

Went began to gently shove the pair out of the front door while speaking rapidly, “Alright, it’s been great, get home safe, goodnight.”

He quickly closed the door behind him and Richie laughed as he caught the last glimpse of his father’s now tear-stained face.

“No one’s ever got him to cry like that, Eds.”

“I guess I set the bar.”

“Gotta raise that bar even higher when you make him cry in your wedding speech.”

This received a shove to his side from Eddie as he blushed at the recurring topic of ‘marriage’ that Richie just adored to bring up, “Alright designated driver, you didn’t have anything, but it seems to me like you’ve had too much.”

“If I’m drunk on anything it’s your love.”

Eddie pretended to gag and Richie kissed both of his hands as he walked ahead of him to his car. 


	5. Vienna Isn't Waiting Anymore

Richie and Eddie we’re lucky enough to have plenty of spare time for each other after long work nights and weekends, but unlike some, they were fortunate to occasionally be able to take the same days off from their busy work schedules all together. 

“Remember, Eds, the 14th through the 17th, okay?” Richie’s voice could be heard through the speaker of Eddie’s car as he drove through the busy street on his lunch break.

“Yes, babe, I got it.”

“We’ll do one day at mom and dad’s cottage, then we’ll drive out to the other beaches and spend a night on our own, then when we make our way back home I want to go stop at your mom’s.”

Eddie groaned, his mother’s house was the last place he wanted to be on a hot July weekend as she refused to turn on her air conditioner in fear of some sort of cancerous airborne infection or radiation, and the entire house reeked of sweat and week old leftover dishes. 

“What?” Richie asked in response to the groan.

“Do we really have to go to my mom's? We were just there last week.”

“Eds, I feel terrible to only go see her on special occasions. C’mon I know she doesn’t exactly love me, but maybe it will make matters a little better if I keep showing my face over there.”

Eddie chewed his lip as he thought hard about Richie’s hypothesis. Realistically, had it not been for Eddie’s 24th birthday back in November, Christmas, his mother’s birthday, or a small celebration for his late father the week prior, chances are, he would have kept Richie as far away from his mother’s house as humanly possible. 

He thought about his mother’s voice over the phone as Eddie told her he couldn’t pay a visit, subsequently blaming it somehow on Richie being sick, or tired from a long workday,  _ “He just doesn’t like me, Eddie bear. He doesn’t want you to come home to me.”  _ To keep the heat far from himself, Eddie, to his own regret and secrecy, would respond with a  _ maybe _ , or an,  _ I don’t know. _ The fact of the matter was, Eddie did not want to be there himself, but he could never admit that to his mother, so he simply used Richie as a life preserver when the topic arose. 

“Okay, Rich, that’s fine.”

“Perfect,” Richie said with a smile that Eddie felt he could hear, “Go book the days off, I’ll do the same.”

“I’m on it.”

Eddie had spent the day with such a heavy burden of regret on his shoulders from his thoughts of his mother’s relationship with Richie and how he absent-mindedly seemed to make the matter worse, that he felt the need to stop by a flower shop on his way home from work and buy Richie a bouquet of some sort.

He walked in with his lip between his teeth nervously. At that very moment, Eddie wished nothing more than for Richie to be there and thinking silly playful thoughts to fill his head, rather than the impending voice of doom belonging to his mother that seemed to not want to leave.  _ “This would be terrible for your allergies, Eddie bear.” _

“Fuck,” Eddie muttered to himself as he patted his pocket for his inhaler. 

When he didn’t feel it, he reached deep into the pocket in a desperation infused false hope. His hand groped something-but it was most definitely not his inhaler. The item his fingers grazed felt, well, just like paper, and as he pulled the item out, that is just what it was. A small sheet of paper seeming to have been ripped straight from a larger one and placed into a folded strip for Eddie to find. 

He furrowed his eyebrows as he opened the folded sheet, and on it, he found Richie’s scrawl,

You don’t need it, baby! Hang in there♥, Richie.

Eddie looked away from the paper and laughed to himself, placing a hand over his mouth to stifle any sound. 

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

Eddie looked straight ahead and his eyes made contact with a young man close to his age. His hair was a soft brown that fell gently over his forehead, scuffing his eyelids slightly and Eddie couldn’t help but notice the slight foreign accent. 

While the young man was rather beautiful to look at, Eddie could only think about Richie and how badly he wanted to get home to him, “Uhh..” he muttered as he scanned the room around him before grabbing the first small batch of purple flowers his eyes laid eyes on, “I’ll take these.”

“Forget-me-nots, very nice, would you like these wrapped?”

“Uh, sure, yeah.”

Eddie looked back down at the strip of paper in his hands as the young man walked away and smiled to himself.  _ I’m so lucky.  _

Richie was ecstatic at the small surprise Eddie had graced him with and Eddie listened to his mind race as he rushed around the house to find a vase for them,  _ “This is so cute. What a nice post-work surprise. I need to get him back for this one.”  _ Eddie smiled slightly. 

He watched as Richie gently placed the flowers into a small vase he found hidden under their sink, “What are they for?” Richie asked as he parted them from their tight-knitted spots.

Eddie shrugged, “Just something nice.”

“Well, they are very nice,” Richie made his way over to Eddie and kissed him gently, “Thank you, baby.”

“You’re welcome,” Eddie smiled, “My days are booked off.”

“Ah, perfect. I’ll be counting down the days to our mini-vacation.”

Eddie laughed slightly, he could both feel and hear Richie’s genuine excitement for their few days off together through his little pep-step and mindful mutters of,  _ “How many pairs of underwear should I bring to the cottage?” _

He felt anticipation for the three day break himself, but the day’s remaining guilt and the thought of having to bring Richie back to his mother’s made him countdown the days more in dread than any form of anticipation. 

The “ups and downs' ' began from the moment Richie set the two of them off on the road and up to his parents' cottage. There was constant slight bickering as they tried to maneuver all their belongings into Richie’s trunk and the most minuscule argument about which route they will take. These minor mishaps caused the first four or so minutes of the drive to remain in relative silence. For Richie, at least. For Eddie, he could hear the internalized huffing and puffing that Richie continuously portrayed.

Richie soon broke the verbal silence, “Hey, at least we don’t have to argue about who will do the driving.”

Eddie looked at him with an agitated look before cracking a small smile that sent both of them into laughter. A familiar look shared with the two. One that can be seen as the years have gone by. One that traced back to the day they first met, and they broke their awkwardness with a look and a burst of shared laughter.

Eddie sighed and enacted another familiar motion shared between the two. He pulled Richie’s hand that rested free of the steering wheel and placed it into his lap as he held it tightly.

_“Tell him now, Rich.”_ Eddie bit his lip. That _sound_ was never the greatest. It always meant that Richie had a troubling comment or a question that Eddie really did not want to answer.

“What is it, Richie?”

Richie chuckled nervously, “God, why can’t I seem to remember that you can do that..ha...anyway,” he paused and cleared his throat, “I had an...idea.”

“An idea?”

“An idea,” he paused.

Eddie watched as Richie continued to drive in silence with a slightly flustered look plastered across his face, “What is this idea?”

“Oh,” Richie started with another nervous laugh, “Well, I got a phone call earlier… I haven't put much thought into it yet…” 

Eddie knew that. Had Richie really been thinking long and hard about it, he would have known, and he had yet to hear anything of a questioning nature come from Richie’s head.

“Basically,” Richie breathed out, “I got an offer from a station out in LA. They really like me, Eds, and this isn’t just some little job. It’s big. And it’s in a massive hotspot…”

Eddie stayed silent for a moment, “...Okay.”

_ “Just ask him to go. Tell him you want him to go.”  _ Eddie closed his eyes.

“I was just thinking… maybe we could think about it. Who knows? Maybe there’s a good life for us out there… don’t you think?”

“What about your favorite childhood rock segment, hm?” Eddie wasn’t entirely closed off to the idea, but he felt that it was too soon to begin discussing up-rooting their lives.

Richie sighed, “I know… I know. I still have to think about it, they said the offer is there…”

Eddie stroked his hand with his thumb affectionately, “Give yourself a chance to breathe, Rich. Don’t go rushing.”

Richie let out another huff of air, “You’re right. God, we need some music on in here.” He removed his hand from Eddie’s for a moment and turned the dial of his radio up before re-entangling their fingers. 

The station read 101.3 and a familiar deep voice let out a faint roar through the car’s speakers, “Good morning, Maine, you are with your old man Jerry and Tommy Nightly in for Richie the Trashmouth Tozier. Richie, our guy, wherever you are today, we wait for you!”

In a smooth instant, Billy Joel’s _Vienna_ played swiftly throughout the vehicle. 

Richie smiled slightly and let out a soft chuckle, but it soon faded and Eddie watched his face as he pried his brain for delivered thoughts. All that seemed to be flooding Richie’s mind were the sounds of the lyrics as Billy Joel sang them. 

Eddie let it be, and he too shut his eyes and surrendered to the sound. 

_ Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about? _

_ You better cool it off before you burn it out _

__ “Sometimes you just need to hear Billy Joel tell you to ‘slow down you crazy child’ to remind you what the fuck you’re doing.”

Eddie smiled as he watched the outside’s scenery, “I agree.”

Eddie enjoyed his night with Richie’s parents, as he always did, but the sounds of Richie’s rattling thoughts would simply not leave him alone.

From eating in the glorious and soothing backyard of the Tozier family cottage to winding down in bed to rest after a day of heat, all Richie could seem to think and all Eddie could seem to hear was,  _ “What do I do? Do I go or not?” _

As the pair drove to the other side of the beach and cottage filled town, Eddie silently hoped that the time alone and the absence of parental pressure would ease Richie’s mind and finally give him a moment of peace. 

So far, it didn’t seem to be playing out in Eddie’s favor as the sound of Richie’s concerns still voiced themselves into that of his own head.

“Richie, baby, could you please stop it?”

“Stop what?”

“You know what. You’re all anxious and confused. Stop thinking about it.”

Richie sighed and rubbed over his face with his hand free of the steering wheel, “You’re right. I’m sure I’ll feel better once we get to the beach house.”

Richie’s anecdotal idea was confirmed as his dark cloud of thoughts no longer drilled Eddie’s brain and they enjoyed a comfortable beautiful silence as they sat on the porch of the house, admiring the view of the water before them. 

Through the sweet sound of the silence, an interruption could be heard by Eddie,  _ “You might just be leaving it all behind.”  _ Eddie sighed to himself. 

As their one on one tiny vacation ended, Richie drove them over to the Kaspbrak household where Sonia Kaspbrak awaited, eyes of judgment fixed long before their arrival. 

“Look in the back seat,” Richie said as he drove.

“What, why?” Eddie asked as he turned his body from his seat slightly to peer into the car’s backside. 

Sitting on the seat behind Richie’s was a rectangular box labeled,  **Rogan &Marsh.**

“What is that for?”

“Your mom,” Richie replied with a smile.

“Rogan and Marsh? Seriously? Do you know how expensive that is?”

“Jesus, Eds,” Richie sighed, “When will you get over all the shock of my expensive purchases.”

Eddie sighed as he settled back down into his seat, “I don’t think I ever will.”

Walking into Eddie’s mother’s house, Richie carried the rectangular box with confidence.  _ “She’ll love you after this one, Rich.” _ This confidence was one that Eddie couldn’t help but frown upon and Eddie wished once again more than ever that Richie could hear his thoughts as well so he could subconsciously tell him, as his mother opened the front door and peered at the box with darting eyes,  _ Yeah, not so fast there, buddy. _

Though locking eyes with Richie, she failed to greet him and immediately turned to her son, pulling him into a suffocating embrace.

“Eddie bear, I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too, ma.”

_ “This is kind of fucking awkward.” _

They entered the house timidly, Sonia walking ahead of them and Richie unlatched his tongue from the tight hold his conscience silently had on it.

“I got you something.”

She turned to look at him with dark eyes, “What?”

Richie held the box out to her with both hands, “A present.”

She stared at him momentarily and Richie silently muttered a question Eddie has heard from the deep crevices of Richie’s brain far too many times,  _ “Why is she looking at me like that?” _

__ Amid his concern, she snatched the box from him, placing it on the kitchen table and opening it slowly. In the box lay a long casual baby blue dress, patterned with flowers and clearly expensive. 

The second Eddie’s eyes lay upon the dress, he shut his eyes. It was all too much. He knew his mother and this was not something she would take as a friendly gesture. To her, the gift-giving was  _ insulting, degrading, charity work.  _ To Richie, all it was, was a  _ peace offering.  _

Keeping deadpanned eye contact with Richie, she placed the lid back atop the box, earning a flinch from him despite the soft sound of cardboard meeting cardboard. 

With not another word to him, she turned to Eddie and began a conversation with him about work and life (complete exclusion of the part of his life that included Richie), leaving him standing there dumbfounded, thinking freely without the idea of Eddie hearing present,  _ “What the fuck is her problem?” _

The tension coming from every end of the hardly occupied room was excruciating and painful for every party present. Richie felt resentment toward both Sonia and Eddie for not confronting her, Myra felt resentment toward Richie and Eddie for bringing him along, and Eddie felt resentment toward his mother for her filterless personality, and Richie for his insulting intrusive thoughts. 

“I’m gonna go use the washroom,” Sonia said, rising from her chair and exiting the room. “ _Yeah, you go do that”._ Eddie fought back a roll of his eyes.

“You better cut it out,” Eddie whispered to Richie in a frenzy, “Stop being disrespectful.” 

Richie scoffed, “I am not the disrespectful one.”

“I think this visit is running far longer than it has to,” Eddie said, gathering his dishes and placing them in the sink, “We should get going.”

“Thank you, I agree.”

When Sonia re-entered the room she had a look of confusion on her face as she watched the boys gathering their belongings and cleaning off the table, “What are you doing?”

“I’m not feeling too well, ma,” Eddie said as he proceeded to kiss her cheek, “I think I need to go home and get some rest, it’s been a busy weekend.”

“Well, okay,” she said and walked him toward the front door.

She hugged her son tightly and planted a kiss on his head that made Richie want to crawl out of his skin. 

“I’ll miss you, baby, call me tomorrow.”

“Of course, mommy.”

“ _ Ugh.”  _ Eddie could have slapped him. 

“Bye, Sonia,” Richie said, purposefully leaning in for a hug that he knew would be rejected.

She backed up and put a hand before her as to separate herself from Richie’s touch. She said nothing. 

The ride back home was silent and the excursion back into the house carrying all of their bags from the long weekend was somehow even deeper into silence. One more verbal than mental.

The entire time, Eddie could hear Richie imitating his mother in derogatory ways within his head. For a reason he could not seem to explain, he was angrier than ever. 

He placed one of his bags down on a chair in their kitchen and sighed, “Why don’t you just say it out loud, Richie?”

“Say what out loud? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Eddie crossed his arms and flashed him a slight smile, as to try to ease the tension that appeared stronger than ever, “My mom.”

“Ah, of course, your mom. Your mom who I bought a gift that she barely even received.”

Eddie let out a breathy laugh, “Rogan and Marsh, Richie? You really think my mother, who has worn the same pair of shoes for the last 13 years, will want to wear something so expensive?”

“It is a gift, Eddie. Whether you like it or not you accept it and say thank you. You can talk shit about it later.”

“Oh my God, Richie. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Richie shrugged and pulled a bag of chips from their kitchen cabinet, “She could’ve just waited. I’m sure she would have had a kick out of talking shit about the gift and making fun of me with you over the phone,” he shrugged again and shoved a handful of chips into his mouth.

Eddie let out another breathy laugh and threw his arms up, “We do not talk shit about you, Richie.”

“Oh, give me a break.”

“I seriously do not know where you got that idea.”

Richie raised his voice an octave mockingly, “Oh, I’m sorry mommy, Richie doesn’t feel well today. No, Richie doesn’t want to come. He can be so lazy sometimes. He goes to work and comes home tired. I do everything.”

Eddie shook his hand and began to walk to their bedroom, bags in hand, “Now you’re just being hurtful.” 

_ “Hurts cause it’s true and you’re just like her.” _ Eddie dropped the bags from his hands and flung around to face him, “Excuse me?”

Richie shrugged and continued to eat the chips straight from the bag,  _ “I know what I said. I don’t regret it.” _

“Oh, but you’re going to.”

“No, I won’t.”

“You’re being such a dick.”

“How many times have I defended you, huh? Taken care of you?

Eddie couldn’t fight back an agitated chuckle, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about me. Defending you. Against my parents.”

Eddie shook his head, “When have you ever had to do that?”

“When you crashed my car.”

Eddie laughed before locking eyes with Richie’s cold ones, “Wait, you’re being serious right now?”

“Yes.”

“Richie, that was like 2 years ago. And you said that they were fine.”

“Well, I lied.”

Eddie stared at him for a long time, studying his face and trying to pry for any sort of demeaning thoughts, but none came, “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.”

He shook his head at him, but Richie defiantly nodded back. 

“You’re a real fucking asshole, Richie.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m the fucking asshole.”

“Yeah! You are!”

“I have done every last fucking thing for you these past fucking four and a half years. Where would you be if it wasn’t for me?”

Eddie laughed again, this time one filled with anger and shock, “I would be in this exact same place. I’m successful because I work hard. Just because you come from a wealthy family doesn’t mean you’re hot shit. Let me turn that on you now, where the hell would you be if it wasn’t for me.”

“LA,” Richie yelled.

Eddie stared momentarily in a shocked silence, “Is that what this is about?”

Richie put a hand through his hair, “No. It isn’t.”

“You think  _ I  _ held you back from your dreams or something?”

“That isn’t what you did?”

Eddie shook his head, “How would I have possibly done that?”

“Spent too much time focusing on you and keeping you happy that I didn’t focus on myself.”

“I would have fucking went wherever you wanted had you not got me settled here, Richie! You wanted this, you wanted to be here!”

“Take a look around!” Richie screamed, causing Eddie who had also been screaming to flinch, “It’s all you! You chose all of this! You fucking built this place!”

“You let me!”

“Because it’s your way or it’s no way!”

“That is bullshit and you know it!”

Richie threw the bag of chips he had onto the floor, “You fucking created all of this! You have drained my life of all the things that I enjoy! You want me to be this perfect man, I will never be that perfect man!”

“You’re acting crazy!”

“It’s fucking true! You and your fucking mother want this perfect clean-cut man, and I am not him!”

“Fine Richie, fine! I will play into your little pity party! You are not the fucking man forme and you should live out your dream life in Los Angeles!” He began to walk into their bedroom and grab the luggage he kept tucked away in the back of his closet. 

Richie followed him in and began tossing his clothing and belongings into the bags for him, causing Eddie to freeze in shock for a moment before instantly coming back down to Earth and angrily shoving more into the bags.

“Perfect,” Riche yelled, “You go! You’ll be doing me a favor!”

Tears began to trickle down Eddie’s cheeks as he shook his head angrily, “You’re gonna fucking regret it when you’re alone.”

“You’re doing me a fucking favor,” he spat as tears threatened his own eyes.

“Fuck you, Richie. Keep the fucking rest of it.” Eddie grabbed the luggage he filled and carried them out to the front door.

Richie growled in anger and retrieved the jar labeled  **Richie’s Head** that he received on his twenty-second birthday from the dresser. Without acknowledging it, with a brain completely jaded with anger and empty of any thought or reason, Richie threw the jar to the ground, causing it to shatter into pieces across the bedroom floor.

Eddie flinched at the sound from his spot in front of the door and watched as Richie made his way back into the area.

“Who was there for you when she cut you off, hm?”

“Just fuck off, Richie. I don’t need you.”

“And I don’t need you. I don’t need someone inside my head, being one step ahead of me at all times, controlling my life.”

“That’s what you think this was?”

“Not think. Oh no. If I was thinking it you would have known. Heard it, even.”

Eddie scoffed, “Well how do you think I feel, huh? Having to hear your stupid fucking thoughts all the time. Nothing of real value or importance. Just you being a fucking loser of a man.”

“God, fuck you, Eddie,” the once threatening tears began to act and fall down Richie’s cheeks. Eddie felt his heartbreak but stood his ground.

“Good fucking luck not having someone to baby your ass around here all the time,” he said as he grabbed his bags and walked out of their door, slamming it behind him and walking down the building’s hallway with tears in his eyes.

The second the door slammed behind him, Richie cried dreadfully into his hands. 


	6. It's All Coming Back To Me Now

Now here Eddie sat, crying into his own hands, trying to muffle any sounds as he pushed the book that evoked so many repressed memories from his mind out of his lap.  _ Insanity,  _ Eddie thought to himself,  _ that's really all it took? _

The thought that one single simple passage could get him feeling even more dreadful than when he first sat down baffled him. For the first time, he was removed from his trance of denial and took in his new reality. 

It has been 6 months since he has last seen or spoken to Richie Tozier.

Only a few months prior, he celebrated his first birthday in almost 5 years without him.

He has not spoken to anyone with any thought or pre-meditation of romance, that is if he excludes the drunken hazy night with the young flower shop worker that happened on a whim only a few weeks before his library escapade. 

These intrusive thoughts only created more uncontrollable, audible cries from Eddie, and he uncovered his face when he heard the sound of a soft voice.

“Excuse me, are you okay?” 

The man was tall, handsome, and much older than Eddie, “Oh, I’m fine,” his eyes met that of his nametag and he studied it for a moment.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, thank you…” he read out the nametag, “Mike.”

The man named Mike smiled at him with charm and pity, “People who sit and cry on the library floor are never really fine.”

Eddie let out an even more pitiful laugh and wiped the tears from his cheeks as he let his sobs come out in small fits of hiccups, “This book… just so emotional.”

Mike glanced over at the book now laying on the floor, “The Song of Achilles,” he read, “Excellent choice.”

Eddie sniffled, “Yeah.”

Mike observed him silently for a moment before speaking, “Is there anything I can do?”

“Oh no,” Eddie said with a fake smile plastered softly across his tear-stained face, “No, everything’s fine.”

“I have a hard time believing you,” Mike smiled at him with that same look of pity.

Eddie let his head rest against the books laid on the shelf behind him and let all shame leave his exhausted body, “January, you know how it gets.”

Mike nodded and his smile changed to that of a knowing one, “Oh, I know all too well. Got the cold weather… the dark days… on top of that for me, January is the month of my father’s death.”

Eddie’s head snapped up from its resting spot and he looked straight at him, “Mine too.”

Mike raised his eyebrow, “Oh, wow, that’s a strange coincidence.”

“I don’t remember mine much… I was really young.” Eddie didn’t understand why he was opening up to a complete stranger, but he hadn’t had a genuine conversation with anyone since he moved back in with his mother and couldn’t fight back the words threatening the back of his throat.

“I remember mine,” Mike smiled as his eyes wandered to the floor, “Used to tell some great stories.”

Eddie smiled a weak smile, “Like what?”

“About him and my mom,” Mike chuckled, “All that soulmate stuff.”

“Soulmate stuff, huh?”

Mike laughed, “Crazy, I know. He was a bit of a hopeless romantic.”

Eddie found himself entranced, “What kind of soulmate stuff?”

“Oh, you know,” Mike waved his hand, “All that corny stuff. That ‘when you know, you know’ type of business.”

Eddie squinted his eyes and repeated the phrase back to himself quietly, “When you know, you know.”

A voice was heard from around the bookshelf's corner, “Mike!”

Mike turned his head into the direction of the voice before turning back to look at Eddie, “Duty calls. I’ll just be over at the front desk. If you need anything at all, please come on over.”

Eddie nodded at him with a smile and he walked away, leaving him with a new perplexing and distracting train of thought.

“When you know…” Eddie whispered again, “You know.”

Eddie’s mind explored these sudden familiar trickles of words, “Soulmate talk?... When you know, you know..” he continued to whisper.

As if by telepathic message or an audio recording being placed directly into his brain, Eddie could suddenly hear the sound of his father’s voice, and the very words about love he spoke to him when he was just a little boy.

“How can I be sure if I found the right person, papa?” Little Eddie had asked his father eagerly.

“Well,” he said, stroking his son’s hair, “When you know, you know.”

“But, how will I know?”

His father smiled, “Because you can hear them.”

Small little Eddie had been troubled and confused by this statement, and as he grew up the memory of it faded alongside the other timeless memories of his loving father.

This was not the case for the 25-year-old man who now inhabited the body that once belonged to the small oblivious being.

The memories of his first run-in with Richie hit him once again, the feelings of  _ knowing,  _ the absence of any uncertainty, the way in which Richie took the odd situation with no question.

He jumped up from his spot on the floor, “When you know, you know,” Eddie said far more above a whisper, “Now I know.”

Richie Tozier stayed sat in a bar at a round table with a group of people he had never met before. While they mingled and chat loudly amongst each other, one woman, covered in tattoos with a beer in her hand, carried a private and rather personal conversation with him.

“So that was the last time you ever saw him?” She asked.

Richie sighed and took a sip from the beer bottle he had gripped into his right hand, “Yep.”

“Damn. Just like that, huh?”

“We’re both just too stubborn I guess. No one wanted to admit they were in the wrong.”

She shrugged her shoulders, “Maybe it was for the best. You did say you guys bickered quite a bit.”

“I guess we did.”

“Then it’s better for you guys to just move on. Why be with someone if you have to walk on eggshells and watch what you say?”

Richie shook his head, “You didn’t have to watch what you say with that man,” he took another sip from his bottle and she watched with curiosity, “Had to watch what you think.”

She tilted her head, “I don’t follow.”

He pushed himself up from his seat with a huff, “You wouldn’t.”

She nearly stood up but stopped herself, “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving.”

“You shouldn’t be driving.”

“I’m not driving. Walking,” he mumbled out drunkenly.

She shook her head, “Let one of them drive you home, we got some designated drivers here.”

“I’m not going home.”

“Then where are you going?”

“Somewhere I go every night. Waiting.”

She didn’t understand what he meant, but she hardly believed that he did either “It’s freezing and it’s like a blizzard out there.”

Richie shrugged and chugged the last of his beer, “Bring on the cold!” He called as he danced his way out of the bar.

She watched in awe, “Fucking crazy bastard.” 

Eddie struggled as he walked through the deepening snow with his head down as to not allow any of the icy flakes to touch his face. 

“Fuck”, he winced through his teeth, “Fuck it’s fucking cold.”

The sensible businessman side of Eddie told him that what he was doing was ridiculous. The hopeless romantic, desperate, and sad side of Eddie told him he couldn’t be doing anything better. 

“ _ How about right outside the university? We’ve gone there so many times it’s only natural to remember the way there. We’ll find each other quickly.” _ The sound of it ran through his head as if he was reliving it at that very moment.

He squeezed his eyes shut, “Why the fuck are you doing this to yourself?” He stopped in his tracks. 

His eyebrows furrowed,  _ there is no point Eddie. Turn around. Go home. _

He turned the direction of his body and began to walk back before stopping again,  _ No. You came all this way already. Just go. Maybe just being there will make you feel better. _

Eddie nodded to himself, turned once again, and continued down his path.

“Remember what dad said,” he muttered to himself, “Just remember what dad said.”  _ When you know, you know. _

Richie stumbled down the street, grunting with every move his drunken body conveyed through the snow. 

His feet seemed to take a brain more conscious than the one resting in his head as he depended on them to take him where he wasn’t even sure he was heading. 

Perhaps it was the place he ended up almost every time but never noticed until he woke up on a bench with multiple college students passing by with mocking stares. 

A car driving by slowed as it came upon Richie and the passenger side window rolled down to reveal a young man, no older than 20, with a baseball cap sitting on his head underneath a large hood. The car caught Richie’s attention from when it still hadn’t reached him. It was a Prius. Similar to the one he had an unfortunate encounter with all those years ago. 

“You good, man?” The young man asked with a slightly mocking tone.

Richie turned to look at him and noticed that in the driver’s seat another man around the same age with a head of dark hair was chuckling at the encounter.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing his eyes, “I’m fine.”

“Do you need a ride?”

“No. I’m fine.”

The man with the baseball cat moved back into a comfortable seating position from the one that he was in facing the window and shrugged his shoulder. 

“Suit yourself,” he said as he rolled up his window.

Richie watched the window roll up on his smiling face and cracked a smile himself as he listened to the moment of laughter the two young men shared.

He stayed standing there for a moment before he began to walk again. All the way to his old campus. Where he met his first love. 

Eddie continued to walk through the snow, continuously checking his watch to be sure he wasn’t out too late.

He laughed to himself, “Well, the risk of a mugging is much higher past midnight. That gives me a good...15 minutes.” For a reason he could not explain, he laughed almost manically as he talked to himself.

As he approached the campus of his old stomping ground, he began to drag his feet through the snow in exhaustion. He kept his head down and watched as his boot-covered feet pushed the snow aside with every glide in his walk. 

He sighed softly to himself and enjoyed the silence of the area.  _ I imagine they’re all studying,  _ he thought,  _ like I used too. _

His thoughts were cut short as the sound of those belonging to another began to intrude,  _ “Where the fuck is everybody? Probably studying or sleeping. Fucking nerds.” _

Eddie’s head snapped up and for the first time in six months, he laid eyes on Richie Tozier.

Richie groaned as he grabbed hold of the bench's armrest and went to rid the seat of the snow before his eyes fell upon Eddie’s. 

Both of their dark hair covered in white snow. Silence filling the air. 

_“This isn’t happening.”_

Eddie’s throat almost failed him, but he forced himself to speak up, “It is.”

Another silence ensued, showing Eddie that Richie could not even process a thought upon seeing him. Richie felt sober as if a drink had not touched his lips in days.

“Eddie…”

Tears welled up in his eyes for another time that evening, “Richie…”

“What are you doing here?”

Eddie hiccuped quietly, “What are you doing here.”

Richie put his head to the ground and allowed tears of his own to fall, “I come here all the time.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?” Eddie stared at him through his misty eyes and Richie lifted his head to meet his gaze.

He shrugged and smiled through his tears, “I hope to see you.”

Eddie paused, then spoke in unison with the man before him, “The meeting spot.”

“You never came,” Richie said through tears.

Eddie shook his head and walked forward to be closer to Richie.

“Why didn’t you come?” Richie cried, drunk feeling gone from his body, but drunk mind and drunk mouth still having its time in the light. 

Eddie grabbed hold of his arms, “I hope you aren’t angry with me.”

Richie’s body softened to Eddie’s touch and his eyes met the watering ones of Eddie’s once again, “God. I could never be angry with you, Eddie. It was all so stupid,” he began to blab, “It was so stupid, I was so stupid.”

Eddie cut him off, “You didn’t go to LA.”

“No. No, I didn’t want to go.”

Eddie chuckled to himself, “It all started because of this LA thing and you didn’t go to LA.”

“I wanted to go with you, Eddie.”

Eddie stared at him with pity and pain in his heart, “I'm so sorry, Richie.”

Richie cried and shook his head, “Forget it. Forget it all.”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Eddie said after a moment's silence, stepping back to observe the sobbing man. 

“I’m here,” Richie said, “I’ve always been here.”

Eddie turned his back to him, “I guess that means dad as right.”

Richie grabbed hold of Eddie’s wrist gently, “Please don’t leave.”

Eddie turned back to him, shaking his head, “I’m not leaving. I think I was wrong, Richie. I was wrong to leave.”

Richie lifted his glasses as his hands wandered beneath them to dry his eyes, “It’s all my fault, I was terrible.”

“Shut up, Richie,” Eddie snapped, causing Richie to freeze and stare at him in shock, “Just shut up for a second. Hear me out.”

He waited a moment to see if Richie would remain quiet and once he was sure, he began to speak, “What I had with you is not something I will ever have again with anyone. Ever. Haven’t you ever wondered why I can only hear your thoughts? No thoughts of others, but only yours? It’s because I’m supposed to be with you, Richie. Listen, it’s something my dad taught me when I was really young. I didn’t remember before, but I remember now. I need you, Richie. It’s you, it always has been you and it always will be.”

Richie choked out a sob, “... Am I allowed to talk now?”

Eddie chucked through his tears, “Yes, Richie, you can talk.”

“If that’s the case, then I am yours. We can go back. Pretend nothing ever happened. I would have done it 6 months ago, 2 weeks ago, even tomorrow if you asked me. I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

Eddie nodded before wrapping his arms around him and allowing his face to be enveloped by Richie’s strong form. A sigh left his mouth as Richie’s arms wrapped back around him and he heard,  _ “How did I go so long without this?” _

They shivered in each other's arms as the snow fell around them. 

“We can go to LA, Richie,” Eddie whispered.

“H-huh? We can.”

“Yeah,” Eddie laughed, “It’s fucking cold in Maine.”

Richie laughed, squeezing the man who he’s missed painfully’s frame.

“If it’s with you, I’ll pick up and leave right now.”

Eddie nuzzled his face deeper into Richie’s chest and Richie sighed,  _ “I still love him so much.” _

“I know that, Richie,” Eddie smiled, “I love you too.”

Richie helped Eddie load the last of his boxes into the trunk of his car and Eddie took a step back to admire the sight in front of him. 

Richie turned back to look at him with a smile, “What?”

“Nothing,” Eddie said with a lazy smile and a shrug, “You sure you don’t want me to drive.”

“Get yourself in that passenger seat,” Richie laughed. Eddie listened.

They were up and gone. LA bound. Driving, driving, driving. Billy Joel on the radio. Madeline Miller in Eddie’s lap.

_ “I am happy again.” _

Eddie smiled.

**_END_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone reading, this fic was written for the Reddie bigbang and I had a lot of fun working on it! I worked with a wonderful artist who you can find on tumblr @ space-cafee. I hope you all enjoy!


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